Let's Be Honest

You will earn more points than you can imagine if you can speak Russian, try to speak Russian, slaughter Russian, or acknowledge that the Russian language exists. I realize it’s a tricky language. The alphabet is a train wreck of dyslexic letters (backward N’s, and R’s--neither which make an “N” or “R” sound) and letters that are reminiscent of something found in the Star Tribune’s Cryptoquip word puzzles (C=S, P=R, B=V). It’s a minefield to navigate, and anyone who makes the valiant effort to tame and dismantle it deserves to be commended. The great thing is, once you do learn to read it, everything will basically be spelled the way it sounds (take that, English!!)

Convoluted alphabet aside, the sound to my ears is hard to surpass (except maybe by Ukrainian). Don’t bother trying to sweep me off my feet with silly, French poetry. Pushkin makes French look like unintelligent babble (some people learn Russian just to be able to read Pushkin’s works), and if you bring up that he was killed in a dual with a Frenchman (in efforts to defend his wife’s honor), you will be in the red by a negative five million points and pretty much irredeemable. D’Anthes was a jerk, and Pushkin would not have died of such a wound if he had lived in more modern times, but I digress.

Black belt level: Know more Russian than I do, and use it in conversation. Not that I know tons of Russian by any means, but going beyond basic phrases would be nice. I do realize a guy has to start somewhere though, and seeing that you’re trying to make an effort is wonderful. I do have patience.

Above all, don’t mistakingly think that throwing out random phrases to impress me is going to work. Flattery is shallow. Sure, it may briefly snag my attention, and I’ll appreciate the gesture and may smile kindly in return, but what will really catch my eye is if you love the language/culture/people/history/literature, etc. on it’s own terms. A country of eleven time zones and 1/6th of the world’s land mass is not a pawn in a game to win a gal’s affections. It has to be something that God has put in your heart, something you can’t shake, fathom, or describe. If you like Russia just because you like me, I’ll figure it out pretty fast. If, however, you have a genuine, unquenchable thirst of knowledge and passion for all things of Rus’, I just may be a puddle of goo. This is not a guarantee. My personality does contain more than one dimension, and my areas of interest are pretty broad, so making the effort of getting to know me as an entire person on multiple levels is best. In other words, a lot of other factors need to come into play, but like I said, you’ll have bleeped on the radar. Seeing as though so many people I know jokingly reduce Russians to barbaric, alcoholic, Communists, it is indeed a thing of comfort to find anyone who views them intelligently (let alone has travelled to/wants to travel to Russia) and knows Russians for the depth of inner beauty that they possess.

As I once read somewhere:

"Russia is huge, as are its needs and its glories; it is wild, it is unpredictable, it is passionate, and it is wonderful."

In other words, Russia is an adventure waiting to happen. If I can find someone who’s up for such an adventure (from time to time as money permits ;-)), I’m taking applications.