Dear Lindsay

This Saturday marks an important moment in DFH history. The first among us is getting married!

I wrote out this devotion for one of Lindsay's bridal showers and I thought it had some ideas worth sharing! A lot of them come from "The Meaning of Marriage" by Tim Keller. Hope you enjoy it!

In general, our culture has a terrible view of marriage. It's seen as outdated, boring, disposable and often not worth the effort to save.  We are surrounded by peers who cannot fathom the idea of a relationship where living together is not a precursor to marriage. Our society has more examples than it could ever need of couples who couldn't make the relationship work because they could not put the "we" above the "me", but this isn't the example of marriage we are meant to have.

God has a better plan for marriage. A better way. A better example.

In Ephesians, Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands and tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. In God's example of marriage, we are called, not to selfishness, but to sacrifice.  We are not to live for ourselves but for the other.

I know you have all heard this verse many times, but try to think about the words.

Love is patient, kind, it does not envy or boast, it is not proud, rude or self-seeking.

None of these words are about preservation of self, not of them are about making us feel better.

If this is real love, how many celebrity marriages can you think of that show this example of love, how many movies portray this kind of sacrifice and grace.  They don't. You know why? Because, Satan hates marriage, because it is an example of Jesus' relationship with the church.  He wants us to keep thinking that the root of marriage is all about self.  But Christ didn't come down to earth for himself, Christ came and laid down his life, so that we might have life… what a great example of selflessness, what a tremendous example of grace.

Lindsay, this Saturday is a marking point, another step in the journey that you and Steve have already started on, a chance to see, live and experience the wonders of marriage that God has prepared for the two of you.  You will have disagreements, you will have bad days, you will going through trying times, but you will also have the amazing privilege of being an example to others of the grace we have been given through Jesus.

Marriage isn't supposed to be about us. It's meant to be part of our testimony to those around us. Lindsay, through your relationship with Steve, I pray that you are each able to show grace, as Christ showers his grace upon the church, not only for the sake of each other, but also, so that others might now the grace of Jesus through you.

Near Future Husbands

It's amazing what can happen in a year and a half, since we started this blog.

What started out as a half-serious joke has become a great source of discussion and encouragement!

Dear Future Husbands,

Through this blog we've come to really examine our ideas about our relationships with you: assumptions we've made that we've learned to let go of, and character qualities we've learned are essential.

Future Husbands, we love you, and we're looking forward to spending the rest of our days with you!

On behalf of Brittany, Lindsay, and Marlys:

Thanks for the bling :)

Damsels in Distress

I am not super enthusiastic about the whole idea of being locked in a tower and I definitely don't want you, future husband, to call me "princess".  However, I do appreciate being rescued.

Whether it's disposing of a dead rodent, helping solve a technical problem, moving a heavy bookshelf or coming to my aid when I get a flat tire or run out of gas, I love knowing that there is a strong, brave, smart, reliable man who will help me when I get into situation we can't handle on my own.

LADIES: Remeber the guys like helping you! So if you are like me and want to prove that you can do everything on your own, don't be afraid to step back and let the man in your life show of how awesome he is by rescuing you from your predicaments every once and while! Save your heroics for a time when there isn't an obliging gentleman around.

For the Love of Music

Dear Future Husband -

I love music, finding new music, experiencing music.  I spend lots of time finding new music, I love to share it with other people, hear their reactions.  I love knowing the perfect song to recommend when someone's having a crappy day or I just don't know the right words to say to express exactly how I feel.

So, let's go to rock concerts, accoustic shows, choir competitions, operas, worship services, theaters and experience the music. Let's go hang out at Cheapo and rediscover classics or we can sit around in the living room listening to great music just for fun!

A Girl Worth Fighting For

This is one of my favorite songs from the movie Mulan and I think a lot of times our views of marriage are a lot like the soldiers in this video, we focus a lot on the characteristics we are looking for in a person, their looks, their personality and the hope that we will be amazing in their eyes, but I think there is a line in this song that goes overlooked, not necessarily in the movie, but in life: What do we want? A girl worth fighting for.

Over the past few years, my views of marriage have morphed quite significantly. If you would have asked me as a sophomore in high school you would have gotten answers straight from the mouth of an antsy teenager, influenced by her boy-crazy peers and who got her "best" dating advice from the chick flicks that she saw in the theaters on the weekends, self-conscious and unaware, anxious for any boy to tell her that she was worthwhile.

If you were to ask me now, you would hear the words of someone who has actually been in a few relationships, someone who is learning self-worth outside of the view of others and more specifically, guys.  Today, you would hear the words of someone who has been able to travel, go to college, work in the "real world" and witness relationships of ALL kinds.  But, you would also hear the words of someone who has had to experience the sting of broken relationships, divorce and live the pain that sinful desires can bring.

I guess that is the sad reality of growing up, facing the truth about sinful nature. When my parents first separated 2.5 years ago, I could not possibly understand what God's plan was, but over the last six months or so, I have been able to step back and see that God is at work in ways that He could never have been within my parents marriage.

The separation of my parents caused me to question everything I knew about marriage and it happened at a really ironic time in my life, the summer that I was shooting wedding photography almost every weekend, surrounded by couples in the very early stages of their lifelong journey together, couples who couldn't contain the joy of being together.  My mind struggled with this dichotomy, why is that we start out so happy, so in love and end up living life from day to day, fighting with each other, arguing about everything, breaking apart lives and families?

Recently it dawned on me, we need someone who is willing to fight, but not in the way that you would think.

So, what do we want? A girl worth fighting for!

The thing we miss is that we are not going to agree on everything in life, but we need to come to a place in our relationship where we are fighting with each other.  We need to fight. Fight to spend time together, fight to spend time with your kids, fight to solve misunderstandings, fight to keep the love alive.

Why do we think that this will come easily, that we can just coast along in our marriages, in our relationships and that peace and joy will just fall into our laps?  We forget that marriage, that making a relationship last for the long term takes hard work.  We need to learn that marriage is a fight, it is a battle every single day a war against Satan who realizes that our marriages can be a great defense, someone who knows us, fights for us, prays for us, encourages and uplifts us, challenges us to be better, to be more.

What a great picture of marriage that is, a couple on the front lines of battle, watching each other backs, picking each other up when the other is down, leaving no one behind, what if we could embrace that picture, what if we could approach marriage that way?  How would our generation change the statistics on marriage?

So, Future Husbands,

What do you want? A girl worth fighting for.

The Love of a Lifetime

Today, I had to face one very sobering fact.  I am a girl and I am totally and irrevocably, a romatic sap at heart.


You see, my 4'11' mom set an example of not letting the hand your were dealt keep you from accomplishing anything, she taught me that I am capable and strong.  My do-it-yourself dad taught me how to swing a hammer and roof a house.  I like to believe that I am independent and I can take care of myself.  


Tonight I watched Letters to Juliet, a very predictable chick flick, as I had expected, but a story about sweethearts who had fallen in love 50 years before, married other people, had families of their own and after the death of their spouses, 50 years later, they found each other and were married at last.


Now I know that this is a ficitious story, but it got me thinking about love and romance.  My do-it-yourself, stand-on-your-own-two-feet attitude has gotten me through a lot of things in life, and most days it carries me through, the drive and passions that I have are important and part of who I am to the core, but part of me still longs for something more.

I long to be held in the arms of a man who loves me for all my faults, all my failures, all my strengths and all my joys.  I still wait for the day when I will be standing in front of my closest friends and family, staring into the eyes of my best friend.  And most of all, I look forward to the day when across from me I see a wrinkled old man, he has walked with me through many seasons of life, he has been there in the hard times and in the best times and he is still anxious to take me by the hand and face the next stage with the woman he loves.

What's in a Name

Dear Future Husband -

I'm sorry to break the news to you but the middle names of our children (Lord willing) have already been decided. I hope that's not too much of a problem.

Now, just to clarify, I haven't actually picked out the names, but I can tell you one thing about them, they will be Japanese.

Depending on how well you know me by the time you read this, you know that my middle name is Miyo, short for Miyoko, meaning beautiful era, and I am the third-generation of children with Japanese middle names.

So, I hope it's not too big of a deal that I went ahead and made that decision without you.

Looking forward to making many decisions with you,
Your Future Wife

For the stressful days.

I really like anything by Sigur Ros, but if I am ever especially stressed out, this song does the trick every time.  Just play it over and over again until I start breathing like a normal person again.

Adventure.

Dear Future Husband -


I really like adventure, spontaneity, mystery and finding wonder in the little things, it doesn't have to be elaborate.


Just a late night trip to the park, to wade in the cool shiny lake on a late summer night or to stand and stare at the stars from the platform of a playground or enjoy a late night barefoot stroll down the street with old friends under the looming sounds of an approaching thunderstorm.


Just the small things to help me remember that not everything in life is as it seems, places that are full of screaming children and passing cars become peaceful sanctuaries that provide just a little bit of adventure as you anxiously wait for the cop car to come around the corner and tell you that you are not allowed in the park after dark.


So honey, remember to take time to appreciate the wonder in the small things, to be adventurous, to not get caught up in the  in the repetitious routine of daily life, but to appreciate each moment that we have together and to spend sometime barefoot on a beach in the dark, with me.

This is me.

And your hair is a mess
Smashed onto one side of your head
Weary as your eyes that say your late today

It's the clothes you through on
On your way on through the door
The keys you find are not
The ones you've been looking for
(The Feeling by Ben Rector)

This pretty much sums up me in the morning. Every morning.