Dear Lindsay

This Saturday marks an important moment in DFH history. The first among us is getting married!

I wrote out this devotion for one of Lindsay's bridal showers and I thought it had some ideas worth sharing! A lot of them come from "The Meaning of Marriage" by Tim Keller. Hope you enjoy it!

In general, our culture has a terrible view of marriage. It's seen as outdated, boring, disposable and often not worth the effort to save.  We are surrounded by peers who cannot fathom the idea of a relationship where living together is not a precursor to marriage. Our society has more examples than it could ever need of couples who couldn't make the relationship work because they could not put the "we" above the "me", but this isn't the example of marriage we are meant to have.

God has a better plan for marriage. A better way. A better example.

In Ephesians, Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands and tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. In God's example of marriage, we are called, not to selfishness, but to sacrifice.  We are not to live for ourselves but for the other.

I know you have all heard this verse many times, but try to think about the words.

Love is patient, kind, it does not envy or boast, it is not proud, rude or self-seeking.

None of these words are about preservation of self, not of them are about making us feel better.

If this is real love, how many celebrity marriages can you think of that show this example of love, how many movies portray this kind of sacrifice and grace.  They don't. You know why? Because, Satan hates marriage, because it is an example of Jesus' relationship with the church.  He wants us to keep thinking that the root of marriage is all about self.  But Christ didn't come down to earth for himself, Christ came and laid down his life, so that we might have life… what a great example of selflessness, what a tremendous example of grace.

Lindsay, this Saturday is a marking point, another step in the journey that you and Steve have already started on, a chance to see, live and experience the wonders of marriage that God has prepared for the two of you.  You will have disagreements, you will have bad days, you will going through trying times, but you will also have the amazing privilege of being an example to others of the grace we have been given through Jesus.

Marriage isn't supposed to be about us. It's meant to be part of our testimony to those around us. Lindsay, through your relationship with Steve, I pray that you are each able to show grace, as Christ showers his grace upon the church, not only for the sake of each other, but also, so that others might now the grace of Jesus through you.

Near Future Husbands

It's amazing what can happen in a year and a half, since we started this blog.

What started out as a half-serious joke has become a great source of discussion and encouragement!

Dear Future Husbands,

Through this blog we've come to really examine our ideas about our relationships with you: assumptions we've made that we've learned to let go of, and character qualities we've learned are essential.

Future Husbands, we love you, and we're looking forward to spending the rest of our days with you!

On behalf of Brittany, Lindsay, and Marlys:

Thanks for the bling :)

this charming man

I wrote this a while ago and it's just been sitting here. I figured today it could still be of use to others - hopefully.

This post is going to be a little bit different. After writing and re-writing, I can't think of any other way to say this other than to make it sort of like a short journal entry. Which isn't what I wanted to do, but that's just how it needs to be I guess.

One thing I need to promise myself will always be a deal-breaker: how a guy handles messy and confusing situations. I will quickly lose trust and faith in him if he ducks and runs whenever trouble seems near. If he is too scared to admit an issue and discuss it - or heavens...FIGHT about it - I'm not so sure it will work. That's the real bummer of the problem, we can get along splendidly, you can flirt and compliment me until the sky turns purple, listen to the same music, share commonalities - but if you can't fight with me when the going gets a little tough...it was all for nothing.

I'm learning that someone can be charming, excel in their careers, and speak wonderful things, but if they're not rich in character and integrity...the rest is a just a cheap guise.

have faith that when you call my name i'll be there

Dear future Mr. -

I eagerly look forward to the day we live together in our own place. There are several reasons for this, but at the moment I am awaiting the day I don't have to listen to scary noises that houses seem to create at night, all alone. I'll feel much safer when you're around.

with affection & regard,
your currently creeped out wife.

as copeland says, "let me draw the blinds for you. I'll be right there."
ps. let's have blinds in our house, yeah?

This doesn't happen often, but when it does...

Dear Husband:

I am looking forward to having you around to help me put on bracelets and necklaces that have teeny tiny clasps.
Thank you in advance for saving me precious minutes when I'm running late.

Love you already,
Linds

please speak well of me.

I don't know if I'm the only cynic who notices this or not, but I'm tired of the lame view of marriage and happiness our world shows us.

Marriage should be a joy. To find someone else to fuse together with and serve the Lord, that is a treasure. A treasure that should not be taken lightly, mocked, be looked down upon, or negelcted. It is a unique relationship unlike any other that takes a lot of hard work and selflessness. I guess I'm far from an expert being as I'm not married, but in my heart I know the Word gives us instruction to make a healthy loving marriage possible. If it wasn't, the Lord wouldn't have created it.

As I think all of the other Andalasians have alluded to or stated in past posts - the media and todays society has really messed with our views and interpretations of the whole guy/girl dating/marriage world. There are so many more lies and sinful twists that screw with our minds - so much so, that I think even as believers unbiblical and unrealistic expectations get intermingled with the truth. Of course I realize that just because you're a "Christian" it is NOT going to make your marriage all sparkles, bubbles and giggles. (I just had a horrifying mental image with that sentence btw... barf.) However, I do believe that the Lord has made a way so that even in this fallen world, we can have truly satisfying and joyful marriages.

A note of encouragement to the future spouses:
Exodus 20:17 (the message) "No lusting after your neighbor's house - or wife or servant or maid or ox or donkey. Don't set your heart on anything that is your neighbor's." Peeps, stop checking out other peoples spouses and craving what you don't have! I don't know how much more that could spell out d-i-s-a-s-t-e-r, but whether you are single, dating, or married - it's all the same. We must learn to be fully satisfied with who and what the Lord has given us!
(and yes, i did label that as encouragement, because it should be encouraging not limiting.)

A note to the wives:
Proverbs 12:4 (the message) "A hearty wife invigorates her husband, but a frigid woman is cancer in the bones."
Proverbs 12:4 (ESV) "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones."
Proverbs 27:15-17 (ESV) "A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; to restrain her is like restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one's right hand. Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another."
Proverbs 31:10-12 (ESV) "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts inher, and he will have no lack of gain. SHe does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.

Ladies, lets seek what it means to be Godly women. It will not only give you strength beyond your own ability, but it will encourage your husband to love you and help with the issue of lusting after the neighbor ladies. There will not be another close second if you give him the respect he deserves.

I could probably ramble on longer, but I fear this is longer than I had intended...

our love is here to stay.

To the husbands and wives of the future:

Do not lose your fervor.

First and above all, do not lose your fervor for the Lord. Nothing else will be good enough, will be as excellent, or as beautiful if you neglect the worth and glory of our Lord and Savior. It takes constant prayer and the laying down of our selfishness, and it is the greatest and most important thing we can do with our lives. Do not lose your childlike love, awe, and wonder for our great Father. He has told each leaf what color and shade is should be and He alone can change them. His glory is unmeasurable.

Secondly, do not lose your fervor for loving your spouse. We all put so much worry and effort into dating / finding a boyfriend or girlfriend / impressing each other / dreaming of the future / being broken hearted when it doesn't work out the way we planned. For all that effort and worry, how many marriages do we see now that still reflect that same fervor and admiration? Marriage shouldn't be the last step in a relationship, it should be permission to finally love and cherish the one you love as much as you possibly can. Of course I realize that it won't always be easy and maybe not even something you want to do everyday. There is freedom in marriage to not have boundaries to be guarded in your love and the need to be careful to not give too much of yourself too quickly as in dating. I fear I've seen the opposite as I've observed the realm of dating. We give so much of ourselves while dating or in a serious relationship with someone. It almost seems like it's our pitiful way of getting relational insurance. If I give this much, there's no way that he/she can leave me. Then once we get married, it's on with the chains and the horrible single days are over jokes. That is not the way it should be! Your married so that you can finally love unconditionally and fully with no limitations! Husbands love as Christ loved the church (He gave EVERYTHING for the church), and wives love as you submit to your husband as to the Lord with respect for him. (Ephesians 5. *please have a correct and biblical, loving understanding of submitting).

Date each other after your married.
Surprise each other.
Flirt with your spouse. and not anyone else!

Mr. until we are old and gray with bad knees and adding glucose to our water, flirt with me and do not lose your fervor and admiration for me. I hope that we fall more in love with each other everyday, even on the off days.

you don't have to try, you don't have to change, baby you stay just the same.

Has anyone ever had something you really wanted to say about a topic, but couldn't figure out how to put words to it? I've had a nagging at me for a long time about something, and up until recently I couldn't ever describe it. Not until I was reading a book the other night with my lovely housemates and BAM. Finally. Someone with a brain and a half said what I had been feeling. So here it is, on the topic of dating.


"...Now, part of the problem is the creepiness of the dating practices in our western culture. Honestly, most dating is only half a step up from used-car salesmanship. Stay with me here. To put it bluntly but accurately, the idea in western culture dating is to sell yourself. The last thing you want is for the other person to really get to know you. Consequently, a man who doesn't like to shop will suddenly be saying things like, "Sure, honey, I would love to go to another twelve stores to look for those special shoes you have in mind." A woman who doesn't appreciate sports will find herself volunteering to watch sports with her date and his buddies for hour upon endless, grueling hour.


Having seen the other only on their best behavior, the man and woman each convince themselves that they have found a nearly perfect person. As they move toward that day when they will actually begin living together in the world's most comprehensive relationship, they do not factor into their expectations the difficulties of life in this broke-house of a world.


...The problem is that the marriage began with unrealistic expectations."


Now...there are probably several posts I could make about those couple paragraphs. So i'll try to make it brief. First off, I don't want you to ever pretend to be someone you're not just to get to me. There is a VAST difference in sharing each others interests and trying new things because the person you are with enjoys them, and pretending to like things you really don't. Do you see what I'm saying? I would like it if you would at least take a listen to my favorite bands and albums. I would like for you to show me that the things I enjoy are important to you by having a conversation with me about them. But do I expect you to like all those bands, albums, art, dorky hobbies and cleaning? Not at all. It's okay if we have different interests. I remember once having a conversation with my boss and I was concerned about a potential relationship. "But Kori, he's a marathon runner. I HATE running. It wouldn't work out right." I distinctly remember feeling like a moron after she pointed out how silly that was. "Lindsay...you know its better if you have different interests because you both bring more to the relationship, right?" The point is, take interest, but don't change who you are to be my twin. That's just creepy and misleading.


The other part that really struck a chord with me was just a word. Expectations. more specifically, unrealistic expectations. I'm not quite sure what I expect, to be honest. Do I think God will just have a perfect-lindsay-would-dig-him-right-away-and-they-instantly-fall-in-love-and-he's-gorgeous-beyond-reason mold in which he would kindly send to my front step via UPS? Of course I wouldn't admit to thinking that, but when I really think about it I probably have acted like that.


The fact of the matter is that it's important to have expectations. As long as they are the right ones, and by right ones I mean Godly, biblical, healthy ones. If I ever expect to get married, and have a happy fulfilling marriage, I had better drop the silly unnecessary expectations of perfection. If I expect a man to call me his beautiful wife every day of our lives, I had better realize he's saying that with the full knowledge of all my faults, flaws, annoyances, and quirks. And I should be so glad to have and love a handsome husband who is less than perfect as well.

A recent midnight encounter.

After my roommates and I found some of these on our deck, we decided to do some research to see how we could make them live. Turns out we probably won't do anything and be masochistic fish killers. Mind you - we found these fish at midnight on our deck encased in a tall large clear tube about 5 inches in width. This large tube was a giant light that shot up spinning bubbles from the bottom. So basically we had a really awesome light with a lot of dizzy smoothie drunk fish.

What kind of fish you ask? Feeder Guppies. And this is what we learned:

"The males are absolutely horrible fish. They will chase around the females 24 hours a day. They will move from female to female and chase them around. The females will swim around in circles trying to get rid of the males. Fancy guppies do not do this as much as feeder guppies. The male feeder guppies are absolutely obsessed with the female guppies. They will even stress them out until they become weak and die from an illness. The males are also very fast and they will steal all the food as well."

The response of an unnamed roommate: "Why am I not suprised?"
I believe at that point we all said, amen.

To all of you good intentioned men, who only mean well, I'm sorry that all the cruel unthoughtful boys have cast such a horrible light on your gender. We do realize there ARE men out there who are NOT feeder guppies.

My Lovely - Eisley

well. this is for you.
and i realized, i'm simply looking forward to the day that I don't have to wonder anymore.
I don't have to wonder who i'm humming these songs for.
I don't have to wonder: is he into me? is he into her? is he crazy? am i missing something here?

i don't want this to be portrayed in the wrong way, but i think it's the way it ought to be:
I will have no doubt that you love only me, that way.
I won't have to question if you think i'm the most beautiful girl you've ever seen. (even on "ugly" days).
When we're married, and hopefully before that...nobody will have to wonder how much you care about me.
I will be treated with more care, attention and love than any other girl you know.
*Not to be taken as being selfish or controlling. Simply that I think anyone who is in a crowded room who has a brain should be able to clearly tell who is together and who are just friends. If you can't tell the difference, something is wrong. its okay to still flirt with me after we're married. in fact it's encouraged greatly.

and Mr. the same goes for me. I'm gonna be so darn proud of you.
nobody will question our love.
It will be evident in both of our words and actions how much we care for each other.

the only type of questions i want to think about right now is: what should we eat today, darling?

this song is for you, my lovely, my dear, my man.

APLBE

today i saw a man sitting alone in a restaurant.
he ordered an appetizer and a meal. with a beer to wash it down.
as he ate he was reading a book.

For some reason this greatly saddened me.
All i could think of was all those people who are waiting for the perfect someone to come into their life. Waiting for fate or destiny to sweep them off their feet with some hollywood version of love.

Now don't get me wrong, i'm not saying we should all settle for anyone who will give us affection because we might not get another chance - that's not where I'm going with this at all. I simply mean to say that it's very clear to me that we have a skewed view of love, affection, and all things relational for that matter.

As much as I am terrified of making a wrong choice, I've learned the hard way that I don't ever want to be so scared that instead I take no risk at all. Safe is not in anyway shape or form better than sorry. So, I find myself at the pinnacle of the predicament: To find the place of not settling for someone who doesn't make your heart beat faster and your eyes sparkle, and waiting for a hollywood hero aboard serenity [ ;-) ].

Because I do NOT want to be sitting in a restaurant with nobody to share my day with over a nice meal and a grain belt. I do not want to be that 46 year old woman I know, who lives with her parents and doesn't have a job. Too scared to be out on her own, more lonely than she already is.

So babe, wherever you are, I'm praying to the Lord that He'll help me to trust Him. Because to be honest, some days it's easy to be afraid you'll never find me. And whatever life is throwing at you right now - good luck, and I'm rootin' for ya.

Seriously.

Dear Future Husbands of the Andalasia Ladies -


Where the heck are you?!


Over the last 2.083 years I have lived with 14 of the most amazing women I have ever met and only 2 of them are married now.


Now don't get me wrong, I have fully appreciated every moment with all of them and I don't wish for you to whisk them on your white knight horse just yet.


But seriously, what are you people thinking, Andalasia is a gold mine of women.. and if you aren't going to do anything about that, please invite some of your friends over.


Sincerely,
The Andalasian Correspondent

As long as your next to me.

First off, this song is the most premium listened to.
Secondly, it is a most premium song that brings joy to my heart and ears.
plus it's just cute.

Baby - Devendra Banhart.

Baby, I finally know what I'm going after.
I'm learning to let in all the laughter.
(Holy moly) You're so funny, you crack me up, you crack me up.

Look out for dreams that keep returnin',
'Cause magic ain't no hand me down yearnin'.
You gotta feel it, gotta want it,
The way I want you babe.

Travelin' by choo choo train,
We know where, we just don't know when,
Like some everlasting onion pulled by love.

Never heard a better bad joke said out loud,
You flip flop, and I wild out.
(Can you believe it?) I can't believe it, but it's true.
You're giving eighty billion years of giggling,
A whole new world to live in,
But this one's real, this one's real, this one's real.

Like a bow tied kangaroo,
You be one and I'll be one too.
Play it goofy or play it cool,
We're on our minds.

Everything that happened,
You know it don't mean a thing to us,
'Cause so much is gonna happen because...

You showed me a sunset overflowin'.
Who cares where it's goin', as long as you're next to me.

Start the day off right.

Since obviously you'll love me whole bunches...

I imagine you'll want to be a hero and make me coffee every morning since i'm usually too late to do it myself. i also love breakfast, but that is probably not going to happen too frequently.

**note for SUPER HERO status: wake me up by bringing said coffee to me in bed!
[i can already hear the choir singing ALLELUJIA!]











shooka shooka.

Honey Please.

Instructions if you like a girl:

Step A- Think it through. (make sure there is some validity to your fascination).
Step B- Tell her.

--OR--

Step B- Pursue her so clearly that neither her, nor any of her friends would have any doubt about the way you feel about her.

Lets cut out the confusing riff raff and get to the point.
There are enough confusing things in life, like math. and rhubarb wine...
We don't want no scrubs added to the list of perplexities.