this charming man

I wrote this a while ago and it's just been sitting here. I figured today it could still be of use to others - hopefully.

This post is going to be a little bit different. After writing and re-writing, I can't think of any other way to say this other than to make it sort of like a short journal entry. Which isn't what I wanted to do, but that's just how it needs to be I guess.

One thing I need to promise myself will always be a deal-breaker: how a guy handles messy and confusing situations. I will quickly lose trust and faith in him if he ducks and runs whenever trouble seems near. If he is too scared to admit an issue and discuss it - or heavens...FIGHT about it - I'm not so sure it will work. That's the real bummer of the problem, we can get along splendidly, you can flirt and compliment me until the sky turns purple, listen to the same music, share commonalities - but if you can't fight with me when the going gets a little tough...it was all for nothing.

I'm learning that someone can be charming, excel in their careers, and speak wonderful things, but if they're not rich in character and integrity...the rest is a just a cheap guise.

From the Trenches (Part Two)

If love is a battlefield, then I want to be prepared for war.  The "From the Trenches" Series is going to be an on-going blog where I will post up responses from married people concerning advice they have gleaned after 1, 7 or 27 years of marriage.


Today, I want to share the responses from Sandy:


What is the best piece of relationship advice you have learned or heard?
Never stop dating your spouse. Plan dates and get excited about spending time together doing new things.

What advice do you have for overcoming the hard times in marriage?
We are all people that make mistakes. People hurt each other, sometimes on purpose and many times we don't even know how our words or actions have really hurt someone. Talk, fight, scream, work through the hard times the best way you know how, but work them through -- communicate. Nothing gets solved by keeping your feelings in.

How did you know that your spouse was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with? 
You just know. Sounds simple, but you just do. I still have that feeling. It makes me smile.

Now that you are married, what do you recognize as a misconception about marriage?
I had my perfect picture of marriage in my mind before we got married -- and it just didn't turn out that way. They were nice dreams but the twists and turns that real life brings your way can be so much more exciting. Just relax, be flexible and enjoy the ride... holding on tight to your spouse all the way!

What was something in your marriage that was difficult that you never would have expected? 
The differences in men's brains and women's brains. It's worth taking a class to understand those guys. I also love the "Love Languages" book ... very, very insightful for John and I!




John and Sandy answered these and many other questions as part of the marriage series at their church recently. You can listen to the whole Man vs. Wife series on Meadow Spring's website.


Here is the video from the Q&A:



Marriage Q&A from Meadow Spring Community Church on Vimeo.

From the Trenches (Part One)

An unmarried woman should have a high view of marriage, but also of God's sovereignty in her own life." (Nancy Wilson)

I saw this quote on John Piper’s twitter last week and I really appreciated it.  I think a lot of times single people struggle with keeping this balance. There are a couple of ways that we that we skew of views of marriage and God’s sovereignty in our lives.  This is something that God has really be working on in me and trying to teach me through the guidance of other people around me.

SO, I have sent out a series of 5 questions to married couples that I know.  Some of them have been married for 50 years and some have been married for 2 years.  I was planning on making one giant post of all the answers, but I have found that some of the responses are worth more than a quick glance, so I will be feeding them out on the blog over the next few weeks.

Feedback and discussion are welcome! (Especially from the married people that might following this blog, because I definitely don’t have any expertise on that matter!)

This piece of wisdom comes from Sheryl.  Hope you enjoy!

What advice do you have for overcoming the hard times in marriage?

Many people deal with this question by saying "divorce is not an option". My husband & I disagree! We have both been in marriages where that was "the policy", and divorce eventually not only became an option but a reality. So, while we believe that marriage is a commitment for life, we have what we call "healthy fear" that our marriage could fail, and since neither of us wants that to happen, we work hard at our relationship to make sure neither of us ever has a reason to consider divorce.

What is the best piece of relationship advice you have learned or heard?

When you realize there are bricks coming up building a wall between you, take them down, one by one. Don't throw them at one another. Instead, use them as stepping stones to get over whatever still remains of the wall.