Let's Hear It For The Boy!

It’s easy on a blog like this to fall into a pattern of putting the burden on men, and pointing out negative things that we think need to be changed. With this post, I’d like to go the completely opposite direction, and hopefully encourage some guys out there by pointing out the things we really appreciate about them!

So without further adieu, here are some things we’ve noticed in our own real-life interactions with some of you guys we actually know that have helped us form some very high opinions of you!

• Holding doors - chivalry is not dead!
• Moving heavy stuff for us
• Assembling large items
• Hanging things on walls
• Repairing things in our house
• Fixing car problems
• Averting your eyes during certain scenes in movies (yeah, we notice. And we’re super impressed when we see it. See my expanded thoughts on this here.)
• Offering your sweatshirt/jacket when it's cold - we know it’s huge and we look ridiculous, but it makes us feel cared for!
• Building bonfires (I sure don't know how!)
• Offering to pray for everyone before a meal - we reeeeally like seeing this!
• Cleaning up after meals we’ve cooked! - thankyouthankyouthankyou!
• Listening to what we have to say, asking questions and being truly interested in the answer
• Complimenting us when you think we look nice - we remember, and we’re more likely to do it again! (Lindsay wrote a whole post on why this is important!)
• Including us when you get a group of friends together to do something fun or just chill
• Sticking to your own values to determine how you act, how you respond to difficult situations, what you do or do not let yourself be exposed to - When we’ve learned over time where you stand and what your boundaries are, we know we can trust you and feel and safe around you, knowing you're not going to try anything sketchy!
• Looking out for us when walking around downtown
• Escorting us to our cars when we've parked far away
• Dropping us off at the door before parking when it's cold outside - and when it's time to go home, insisting that we wait inside while you pull the car around - WOW!!!
• Dressing up nice for formal events - y’all look so sharp!
• Recalling details of things we’ve talked about, details about our likes and dislikes, remembering what our favorite things are, and things that make each of us unique
• Hugs. They make us feel small and cute!
• Dancing with us! Yay!!
• Doing/saying goofy things just to make us laugh!

GUYS: If you see yourself in some of these things - THANK YOU for being wonderful! We really appreciate knowing you and having you as friends!

Why don't we vocalise these appreciations all the time? Because it's hard! Lame excuse, I know. But I think it goes both ways, eh? ;)

GIRLS: Let's keep it going! What else do you see and appreciate about your guy friends that we can add to the list??

Women's Worst Fear Revealed...

I think this is probably THE biggest unnecessarily kept secret about women.

Are you ready, men?

Here it is:



Women's worst fear is of BEING ABANDONED.

Every bump in the road, every disagreement, every miscommunication, we worry you might love us a little less, or we wonder if we’ve done something to make you think about leaving.

I'm always going to worry that something I inadvertently pull one day is going to scare you away. I really, REALLY need to know that you are not going anywhere.

Men, if you are spending lots of time alone to process something, or if you seem unresponsive to us one day, we are automatically going to think "Oh CRAP, I did something to make him not want to be around me. I screwed up. I need to fix this. Why won't he talk to me? What did I do wrong?" Honestly, this will be on the absolute forefront of our minds, above work, above other friends and family, above whatever we're trying to accomplish at any given moment, until you convince us that the relationship is not in jeopardy.

When women sense that their man has been acting distant, we start craving affirmation. And ironically, it will naturally out in the form of sarcasm, or acting equally distant toward said man. Why? I think it's because we want him to NOTICE the rift, and to DO something about it. It's a sad phenomenon, but I'm pretty sure that's what's going on in most women's subconsciousness.

The other extreme of women might start acting clingy instead. Which probably makes you men want to spend even more time alone. :-/

So, men: Probably the best thing you can do, when you need to go off to spend a lot of time alone, is say these magic words... repeat after me:
"Darling, there are some things I need to process alone for a while before I can talk about them, ***but I want you to know that we are totally okay, and I love you. You don't need to question that at all.***"

Seriously. These words will take a LOAD of stress off our minds, and we will once again be able to sleep at night! AND we'll have a MUCH easier time giving you the space you need! :D It's a win-win!!

Even if the problem is directly related to the relationship, as long as we hear something along the lines of: "I can't stand talking right now and I need to go demolish something!! I'm upset with you but I still love you. I'll be back later when I can talk more calmly!" ...it will be a HUGE relief.

Then once the problem is dealt with, come back and pursue us again.
We LOVE it, and we will never get tired of it! :)

The GBS Phenomenon

GBS or Googaly Brain Syndrome is popular among women of all ages, but particularly prevalent in single women. It is the direct result of a variety of situations that are exciting, confusing or out of her control, always in association with an OIM (Obviously Interested Man).


The condition progressively reduces the effectiveness of the subjects ability to think straight. GBS is a pandemic, it has affected thousands of women all over the world.


SYMPTOMS OF GBS:

• The OIM Name Drop - This is an early sign of GBS. The OIM name drop is a sign that the subjects brain has been infiltrated by the OIM. Spotting this early might help in controlling the effects of GBS.
  
• Uncontrollable Smiling & Giggling - In many cases the subject is unable to control their smiling reflexes, any hint of the OIM and the subject will smile without reason for an extended period of time. The subject might also be prone to frequent fits of giggling, this could be sparked by almost anything that reminds them of the OIM.
  
• Communication Attachment - You might find that the subject of GBS is very attached to their cell phone or computer, this is because they are hoping to receive communication from the OIM. A popular display of communication attachment is seen in the Text and Smile - where communication attachment and the uncontrollable smiling are combined together.
  
• The Fetal Position or Buried Head - You might notice that when the subject is confronted on the matter of the OIM, a popular response might be to curl up in a ball or bury their head into something, like a pillow, although this response has little to no effect on the GBS, it does tend to comfort the subject.

CAUSES OF GBS:

• OIM (Obviously Interested Man)- OIM are the primary cause of GBS, the signs of OIM include but are not limited to: Frequent visits, excessively calling, gift giving, copious flattery, offering to drive, offering to cook, going out of his way to see you, volunteering to watch chick flicks, extended eye contact, back rubs, cuddling, hand-holding, and in very rare cases kissing.
  
• AGM (Amy Grant Man)- Called the AGM because like the 1988 Amy Grant Album, they tend to "Lead Me On". AGM are particularly dangerous because they will often exhibit many of the signs shown by OIM without being actually interested in the subject. Problems arise when the subject suffers from GBS while the subject is interacting with the AGM. The results usually end in disappointment, over-analyzation and ultimately broken heart.

KNOWN CURES FOR GBS:

• Teasing - Teasing is best when exhibited from the close friends and family of the subject. Teasing will result in uncontrollable smiling, the fetal position and buried head. Beware of overuse of teasing as it may cause the subject's GBS to become more severe.
  
• DTR (Define the Relationship)- Defining the relationship is best when executed by the OIM. This helps maintain the normal patterns of pursuit. The Define the Relationship talk usually results in the mutual tellings of feelings. This is a cure for GBS because the subject no longer has to live in confusion about the meaning of all the signs of the OIM, but now knows from the source that her suspicions are correct.

SUMMARY:
Not all women suffer from GBS to same severity. Please check with a doctor before using any real medications in association with GBS.


Women suffering from GBS should consult with a trusted friend or confidant who can help verify the existence of a OIM versus an AGM.

Why We Started "Dear Future Husbands"

First of all, we are not out to bash men in any way. We really appreciate how God made men! :)
Rather, we wanted to bridge a communication gap between the sexes.

It is an outlet for us, as single young women, to tell you men what we wish you knew, minus the awkwardness of saying it to you individually in person.

And for you, future husbands everywhere, it's a candid glimpse of the inner thoughts of some real women. A lot of things we write about have been published before - it's not necessarily earth-shattering information. But hopefully it means more coming from us, rather than from a book or an article making broad generalizations. We want this blog to help you understand "what women want," and why. We want you to understand us, really!! Hopefully the things we write about are helping you make sense of the tangled mess of our minds, giving you some good insights, and helping you become a better future husband to whomever you decide to marry.

If someone wants to start a "Dear Future Wives" blog, I would be very interested in reading it! :)

Married in the Morning!

Although this scene takes in the magical land of Andalasia, this line probably won't work on any of the Andalasia Ladies... just saying.

STEPS FOR MAKING A DECISION (particularly in reference to relationships):

1. Figure out what you're deciding between. Take inventory of your options.

2. Pray about it. Be genuine here. It's all well and good to say "Your will be done, Lord," but don't just leave it at that. There should be some conversation too. Vent to your Father. Tell him everything running through your mind, and talk about what you're hung up on. He knows your thoughts, but he wants to hear you say them. ...This trait of God he also instilled in women ;-)

3. Seek wise counsel. Talk to some folks you really trust with outside perspectives. Talk to men who have been married for a long time. Then re-evaluate your options.

4. Consider your gut feeling. It's usually right. Could be the prompting of the Holy Spirit! Repeat Step #2 to make sure...!

5. Make the best choice based on the information you have. Put it into action!



...We find it very attractive when you confidently make a decision and do something about it :)

What DO Women Want?

Guest post from honorary Andalasia Lady: Caitlin