Fasting from Intimacy

I believe that one day, I will look at my life and say with confidence that the single greatest blessing I have experienced of singleness has been pain of learning to live without physical intimacy.

Part of why it’s been so painful is probably the confusing struggle. It’s been (and is) a pretty hard sell to get my body on board with the idea that I’m not missing out on what I was created for. It’s challenging to not feel entitled. And in a moment of absolute vulnerability, it’s one of the things that has made it the hardest to trust my sweet and faithful God. And in some ways – in dark and frightened places – I feel forgotten and betrayed and confused.

Because I know He knows me. I know He knows my body and my heart ,and I know He designed and wired this desire inside of me in the same way He wired my belly to grumble slightly around 11:02 AM. My hunger is designed to prompt me to eat. And so I do. And yet, my Father has told me that when I am hungry in this sense I must trust Him and not find food for myself. And He has seen fit not to give me any guarantee that this hunger will ever be satisfied.

There is pain. There is pain in watching my friends be fed one after another with the thing I feel like I need the most. There is pain in facing each morning with the knowledge that today there will be no daily bread for this hunger. There is pain as I sit, feeling as though I am starving to death, and listen to my married friends try to explain to me that eating is overrated.

And the truth is: this is the biggest blessing of my life.

You know what it makes me think about? Fasting. Fasting is strange. I think it’s weird that God is about physical fasting. It involves a need that is seemingly purely physical.

When I am lonely, I ultimately want God. When I am sad, only God can bring true joy. When I am afraid, it points me to the promises of God. When I feel rejected, unwanted, unloved, alone, in all these needs, God alone will bring true and lasting peace.

But, when I’m hungry, I want a cheeseburger and some fries.

Physical desires seemingly terminate on physical things. And that’s the beauty of fasting. God commands us to fast, not so that He can prove He is as good as a cheeseburger by making our hunger go away. God commands us to fast so that we learn to feel hungry and trust Him in the midst of that gnawing sense of need.

The goal of fasting is not for God to remove our hunger, but for us to learn that in the midst of hunger He is trustworthy. The feeling of hunger is the point of the fast. God wants us to feel hunger so that we are reminded that we are not supposed to be satisfied and we are supposed to long for Him. We fast to reflect that we trust God regardless of what our bodies tell us. He is our authority, not our bodies.

Today, my body wants something tangible and physical. My body doesn’t know that God will satisfy all my needs. It just wants what it was made to have. And today, I don’t get to have that. And so the line is drawn in the sand and the challenge is made. Today, what will be my source of truth? Who will be the one who determines what I need? My body? Or my God? Who knows my needs better? Me or Jesus? When I feel so clearly what I ‘need’, will I trust Him that there is a greater need? Will I learn to be hungry so that I can trust Him in hunger, not just in plenty?

There is no area in my life that makes me more likely to doubt the promises of God than this area. I have told friends through tears that many days I do not feel like I have everything I need for life and godliness because of this. I do not know how I am going to persevere in light of my hunger and in light of my Father’s gracious call to purity.

And so, this pain, more than anything else will teach me to trust. Each day, as the sun goes down and I still find myself securely held in the arms of the Father, my faith is built. He doesn’t promise to give me everything I need to never be hungry. He promises to give me everything I need to not starve to death on the road home to Him. And today I’m alive; He has proven Himself faithful. There is only one thing I really need. And it is secure.

You will waste this suffering if you fail to use it to witness about the greatness of God. Our God is a God of pleasure. He is not calling us to hunger because he wants us to be miserable. He is calling us to hunger because He wants us to experience the greatest pleasure available to man. There is nothing that sounds as foolish to the world as a person who would pursue purity, not out of some sense of religious obligation, but out of a faith that there is a greater pleasure in store for those who would trust in the Creator. There is nothing that makes God look as beautiful as when we, who have tasted His goodness, would use our lives to testify that we will forego any momentary joy in order to taste more of Him.

Fabienne Harford lives in Austin, Texas where she works on staff at The Austin Stone Community Church. You can find more thoughts from Fabs at fabsharford.com.

Via [Relevant Magazine]

Should We Get Married (Part Two)

Guest writer and blogger Bewilderedmother wrote part one of this and we wanted to follow up with part two:

Should We Get Married? (Part Two)

Check it out!

Caitlin Willard married her best friend, Tom, after a year of friendship, followed by a year of courtship, and then an eight-month, long-distance engagement (which was too long on both accounts). Tom is a United States Marine. They are currently stationed in North Carolina and welcomed the arrival of their honeymoon baby, Josiah, last fall.

Damsels in Distress

I am not super enthusiastic about the whole idea of being locked in a tower and I definitely don't want you, future husband, to call me "princess".  However, I do appreciate being rescued.

Whether it's disposing of a dead rodent, helping solve a technical problem, moving a heavy bookshelf or coming to my aid when I get a flat tire or run out of gas, I love knowing that there is a strong, brave, smart, reliable man who will help me when I get into situation we can't handle on my own.

LADIES: Remeber the guys like helping you! So if you are like me and want to prove that you can do everything on your own, don't be afraid to step back and let the man in your life show of how awesome he is by rescuing you from your predicaments every once and while! Save your heroics for a time when there isn't an obliging gentleman around.

From the Trenches (Part Three)

Here are responses from Caitlin, you can check out her blog about being a new mom here.


1. What is the best piece of relationship advice you have learned or heard?
Communication really is important. Some specific advice: The silent treatment is for twelve-year old girls. It might not seem like a big deal, but will rip apart a marriage. Nothing builds up walls more quickly than not talking something out. Do take a moment to think about what you are going to say before you say it. Don't bring up anything that might spark a disagreement or constitutes decision-making before bed. And if you don't have something nice to say, wait until you do.

2. What advice do you have for overcoming the hard times in marriage?
Can I be frank? HAVE SEX. It will help you relax, refocus, and remind you that you and your spouse are a team. If you work together, you can do anything. Empower each other; go get naked.


I don't condone premarital sex. Sex only brings true unity within marriage. Outside of marriage or apart from marriage, sex isolates the physical relationship and causes the other parts of a relationship (companionship, emotional, mental, social aspects) to suffer.

3. How did you know that your spouse was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?
We loved each other unconditionally as best friends. He was and is extremely attractive, and apparently he thought I was good-looking, too. Since we already loved each other's companionship, it made the perfect foundation for marriage. We knew that once we got married and added physical intimacy, we would have a structurally sound marriage. (Pardon the construction metaphors—my dad is an architect!)

4. Now that you are married, what do you recognize as a misconception about marriage?
I guess the biggest misconception I heard was how much couples fight. Don't get me wrong, we have plenty of misunderstandings, some which result in tears or frustration, but once we talk it out, we make up, and it's done with. I think it's because we never allow ourselves to think of the other as the enemy or antagonist.

5. What was something in your marriage that was difficult that you never would have expected?
We talked about the big stuff while we were courting and engaged, like how we planned on raising our children, what our expectations were for each other as wife, husband, mother and father, but there are little things that you don't even think about. His family wears their shoes in the house. In my family's house, nobody does. I joked for a while about my husband wearing his shoes in our house, until I realized that my preconception was that if someone wore shoes in the house, they weren't comfortable there. And of course he was comfortable in our house. Examine what you joke or tease about...because there is usually something deeper there. It's usually stupid, but it is good to figure those preconceptions out.


Thanks Caitlin!

this charming man

I wrote this a while ago and it's just been sitting here. I figured today it could still be of use to others - hopefully.

This post is going to be a little bit different. After writing and re-writing, I can't think of any other way to say this other than to make it sort of like a short journal entry. Which isn't what I wanted to do, but that's just how it needs to be I guess.

One thing I need to promise myself will always be a deal-breaker: how a guy handles messy and confusing situations. I will quickly lose trust and faith in him if he ducks and runs whenever trouble seems near. If he is too scared to admit an issue and discuss it - or heavens...FIGHT about it - I'm not so sure it will work. That's the real bummer of the problem, we can get along splendidly, you can flirt and compliment me until the sky turns purple, listen to the same music, share commonalities - but if you can't fight with me when the going gets a little tough...it was all for nothing.

I'm learning that someone can be charming, excel in their careers, and speak wonderful things, but if they're not rich in character and integrity...the rest is a just a cheap guise.

From the Trenches (Part Two)

If love is a battlefield, then I want to be prepared for war.  The "From the Trenches" Series is going to be an on-going blog where I will post up responses from married people concerning advice they have gleaned after 1, 7 or 27 years of marriage.


Today, I want to share the responses from Sandy:


What is the best piece of relationship advice you have learned or heard?
Never stop dating your spouse. Plan dates and get excited about spending time together doing new things.

What advice do you have for overcoming the hard times in marriage?
We are all people that make mistakes. People hurt each other, sometimes on purpose and many times we don't even know how our words or actions have really hurt someone. Talk, fight, scream, work through the hard times the best way you know how, but work them through -- communicate. Nothing gets solved by keeping your feelings in.

How did you know that your spouse was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with? 
You just know. Sounds simple, but you just do. I still have that feeling. It makes me smile.

Now that you are married, what do you recognize as a misconception about marriage?
I had my perfect picture of marriage in my mind before we got married -- and it just didn't turn out that way. They were nice dreams but the twists and turns that real life brings your way can be so much more exciting. Just relax, be flexible and enjoy the ride... holding on tight to your spouse all the way!

What was something in your marriage that was difficult that you never would have expected? 
The differences in men's brains and women's brains. It's worth taking a class to understand those guys. I also love the "Love Languages" book ... very, very insightful for John and I!




John and Sandy answered these and many other questions as part of the marriage series at their church recently. You can listen to the whole Man vs. Wife series on Meadow Spring's website.


Here is the video from the Q&A:



Marriage Q&A from Meadow Spring Community Church on Vimeo.

How Chick Flicks Have Ruined Our Brains

GIRLS - This post is mostly for you, but we won’t stop the guys from reading!

Chick flicks get girls all caught up in the idea that love needs to be this perfect moment, complete with fireworks, swelling music and a foot-popping first kiss. We begin to believe that our relationships should live up to every girly movie that we have ever watched.

So, what is it about the chick flick that is so appealing? Ok, I know the answer: romance - to be swept off your feet, to feel special, wanted and undeniably sure that a man loves you. These are all real desires of a woman’s heart, but they have been distorted and tainted by chick flicks!

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a hard-hearted girl who is bitter at the idea of a man sweeping me off my feet. I want to hear that I am loved and appreciated. Those things are important – the emotions, the affirmations, but they are so much more meaningful in a relationship based on real feelings, with someone who loves you for the real you, with full knowledge of your talents, faults and quirks.

The following is a list of unrealistic chick flick musts that have ruined the way we interact with guys:

• Meet Cute - The perfectly crafted meeting of two characters. This is not to say that the meeting is always pleasant – it could be an awkward situation, a life-saving moment, a fiery argument or the perfect matchup of wit – but whatever the case may be, the meeting is always entertaining, intriguing and suspenseful.
  
  Real Relationships - It’s because of moments like this that we are constantly on the look out for the guy who has the perfectly charming thing to say, that would save our lives from a rolling dumpster or be able to take on our saucy wit. We often miss out on great friendships with guys or even a potentially great boyfriend because we are looking for a cinematically magical moment. Relax and have fun with new people, try not to put unnecessary pressure on yourself or the people you meet.
  
  
• The Perfect Character – Chick flicks deal with character extremes, perfectly beautiful, outrageously awful, candidly charming. These fictitiously fabulous characters provide the perfect ground for an entertaining story.
  
  Real Character - We need to remember not to compare ourselves, or the guys in our lives to these characters, we cannot live up the image of a perfect woman who has a team of make-up artists and he cannot live up to the guy who gets 12 chances to say the line that someone else thoughtfully wrote out. We can seek to have truly admirable character, to have the attributes that are desirable in a Godly woman. To be marked by joy, patience and gentleness.. among the other fruits of the spirit. :)
  
  
• The Physical Attraction – No matter what chick flick you watch, there is always that heightened awareness of the physical chemistry between two characters. The glance across the room, the touch of their hands, the prolonged embrace or the perfect kiss under the night sky while the rain falls softly.
  
  Perfect Chemistry - Movie makers are quite skilled at convincing us of this chemistry between couples on the big screen, but that doesn’t mean that every touch from every guy in our lives is secret code for “I am madly in love with you”. We need to recognize that physical touch is part of the way we are made as humans.
  
  We need to remember that there is more to affection and relationships than the physical. I am reminded of the song Perfect Chemistry by Nevertheless, that says, "I may not be her perfect chemistry, But, if I can love her like you do, that's all she needs.” How much more thoroughly would we love each other if we could learn to love through the eyes of Christ.
  
  
  
  
• The Big Gesture – At the end of every chick flick there is the big gesture: one of the characters makes a horrible mistake, realizes how wrong they were and comes back, ready to make the big gesture, the grand demonstration of their undying love.
  
  A Lifelong Commitment - I think the idea of a big gesture effects us more when we get into long term relationships, we keep waiting for the great declaration of love, the perfectly formed speech, the amazing eloquent words that melt us to our core. GIRLS: Not every guy is gifted with a team of hollywood writers, we need to understand the fact that guys each have their strengths and weaknesses, and we need to be supportive and love them for who they are.
  
  We should be looking for the guy who is ready to make that long journey with us, understand that anyone, given the right amount of time and perhaps the help from a few friends, could craft the perfect speech that would melt your heart, but not every man is ready to say that he will stand next to you through the hardest moments in your life and the most joyful moments in your life.
  
  
• The Two-Hour Deadline – No matter what, every chick flick has resolution by the time the credits roll. We sit and watch a couple go from complete strangers to desperately in love in less than 120 minutes!
  
  A God Beyond Timelines - God does not work in two-hour deadlines. He understand better than we ever will where we need to be and when. He places people, circumstances and challenges in our lives exactly as he plans to and that includes our futures, with or without a movie-worthy relationship. 

Ultimately, we need to remember that our worth is not based on the approval of another man or having a story that could be told as a movie. These are just a few ways that chick flicks have ruined our brains, but recognizing where we have let these ideas creep into our minds is really important.

Women, hold on the fact that you have an Abba Father who knows the desires of your heart and is seeking that you first have an amazing love story with Him, the God who gave up His life so that you might live together for the rest of eternity, now there is a story of true love.

The Ice Queen Phenomenon

Here’s another long post from me! Guess I have a lot to say about this. I thought of making it a two-parter, but why make you wait for the conclusion?? I trust you can make it through just fine. Here we go...

So, I recently have been following a heated comment thread here.
Check it out if you like, but here my summary: the men say they are reluctant to approach women because they have concluded that all women are either "Ice Queens," or "harpies circling Mr. Unattainable"?!

I would like to address the Ice Queen phenomenon, as I understand it.
My definition of an Ice Queen is a woman who gives the impression of being unfriendly and unreceptive to a man approaching her.

Here are my credentials: I've totally been guilty of being the Ice Queen myself, especially in my younger years. I've never been afraid of stubbornly deflecting anyone I felt uneasy about. Then again, at that time I was painfully shy and unhealthily afraid of pretty much everyone. *sigh*

It wasn't that I disliked people. Rather, I lived under the belief that everyone automatically disliked me, for some reason I was blind to. You could easily say I had an inferiority complex. I really wanted to be friends with people, but my biggest fear was of being an annoyance to anyone, so I tried to stay out of everyone's way, would never voice an opposing opinion, and kept from doing anything that might draw attention. My "reasoning" was that people who actually wanted to be friends would naturally make the first move to get to know me. (Although if anyone ever actually did, I was usually suspicious of their motives until I knew enough about them to trust them! Brilliant, right?)

So thus, I had a very difficult time making friends, and was never taught how to act around boys or how to attract any positive attention. Or any attention at all.

Girls, if you’re thinking "that's totally me right now!" ...know that it will do a VERY good job of keeping you out of trouble with boys. ...Aaannnnd that's about all it's good for. It does not help you become a well-adjusted human being, or help you form deep, meaningful friendships, or do well in job interviews, et cetera. It's hard to get out of, but with a lot of willpower, time, practice, surrounding yourself with good people and learning to experience true freedom in Christ, you don't have to be trapped in your head like that anymore. You have to really want to change. But it’s possible. (Exhibit A, right here! Let’s talk!)

I don't share these things about myself to ask for sympathy (empathy? pity?) but to hopefully put words to what others are experiencing and therefore expose to the light what happens in the darkness of many minds. And for this post, to shed some light on the Ice Queen phenomenon, because I've been there, and I know I am still very capable of it.

I understand there are many other different ways the Ice Queen can manifest herself. But I think most men have a poor understanding of what this woman is actually thinking.

Guys, the Ice Queen phenomenon is a self-defense tactic. Assuming the woman in question is single, here are some common situations. We either:

• A) rightfully think you’re a creeper, or see something glaringly obvious that is sending up red flags, so we intentionally keep our distance. This category generally is reserved for those of you who proudly identify yourselves as “playas,” or otherwise lead a lifestyle that is contrary to our morals and values. Or that could land you in prison. ...Or, we...
• B) wrongfully think you're a creeper - at which point (after re-evaluating how you come across to others) you may have to get creative to prove us wrong, because we love a good legitimate pursuit!! ...or...
• C) You're likely a fantastic guy deep down but we can't see it because something in your behavior is awkward, annoying, pushy, unhygienic, or comes across in some other unpleasant manner that is standing in the way, and we can't bring ourselves to speak so bluntly to you... so we resort to avoidance. If you're getting this vibe a lot, you miiiiight want to ask some wise person (of the same gender) to be painfully honest to help you figure out what you need to fix. If you can identify yourself as this type of guy, please learn some social skills. I don’t say that to be mean - I say it as someone who's been there, to challenge you to observe how other people interact and compare it to your own interactions, read up on personality types, take psychology or communication classes, and/or read helpful articles online such as this: (Don't Be That Guy), along with all the others on this fantastic website called the Art of Manliness! ...oooorrrr...
• D) we're having a bad day. Now here is a challenging opportunity for you! Most of us women love venting, although we probably need to be convinced that you care enough to listen, and that you aren’t guy “A” or “C” in this list. If you approach carefully, and can exercise the art of drawing us out without pushing for more than we feel comfortable sharing, this can result in a win-win situation! ...OR...
• E) we're actually very interested, but don't want to appear too "forward" (perish the thought he might think I’m interested even though I am! *gasp*) so we err on the side of acting cold... ugh... (guess who's been guilty of that?) (yeah that'd be me.) ...or...
• F) we're just clueless, and we're so used to being on the defensive that we just default to unwittingly acting icy around all men. We honestly think our behavior is normal and expected of us. We're sorry!! ...OOOORRRRR...
• G) it really might be you making things up in your perception of a woman’s behavior. Perhaps you are just clueless yourself. She’s probably agonizing herself right now, wondering why you won’t ask her out, despite her trying to coyly get your attention for months!

So, looking at this bulleted list mathematically, if you think you're facing an Ice Queen, you still have a 78.6% chance in your favor (I counted point C as half) that she might warm up a little to you if you approach carefully and don't get scared away. How's that for scientific reasoning?!

Okay, okay, so these aren't the only reasons a woman would act cold toward a man. Everyone has their own things in life they need to take into account. I just wanted to make known some possible reasons for girls acting icy around guys, and to encourage you guys to not let yourselves be dismissed so quickly by such a woman! :)

Disclaimer - The key is to be observant of the subtle signals she is sending. I recommend you stick around long enough to ask a few questions, bring up a subject of interest you might have in common, get a few sentences out of her. She might just be shy, and would really like you to pry a little bit. In which case, by all means stay and keep talking, and ask questions to draw her out! But if she still seems like she’s trying to end the conversation after everything you say, politely make a clean break, and leave her alone. This could be a sign that you might be “Guy C” from the list above (especially if you observe you seem to be the only guy getting the ice, and she is not acting cold at all toward other guys). Or it could be that she just has issues. Or maybe she is already taken and doesn’t want people to see her without her significant other, talking to someone as devastatingly handsome as you.

And now for an inspirational quote from everyone’s favorite relationship advisor, Hitch! (Full of sweeping generalizations, but still makes some excellent points!):

Basic principles: no woman wakes up saying, ‘I hope I don't get swept off my feet today!" ... It's not a bad time for her. She doesn't need any space. And she may be into her career, but what she's really saying is, "Uh, get away from me now," or possibly, "Try harder, stupid." But which one is it? 60% of all human communication is nonverbal, body language; 30% is your tone. So that means that 90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth. Of course she's going to lie to you! She's a nice person. She doesn't want to hurt your feelings. What else she going to say? She doesn't even know you... yet. ... Basic principles: no matter what, no matter when, no matter who... any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet. He just needs the right broom.

From the Trenches (Part One)

An unmarried woman should have a high view of marriage, but also of God's sovereignty in her own life." (Nancy Wilson)

I saw this quote on John Piper’s twitter last week and I really appreciated it.  I think a lot of times single people struggle with keeping this balance. There are a couple of ways that we that we skew of views of marriage and God’s sovereignty in our lives.  This is something that God has really be working on in me and trying to teach me through the guidance of other people around me.

SO, I have sent out a series of 5 questions to married couples that I know.  Some of them have been married for 50 years and some have been married for 2 years.  I was planning on making one giant post of all the answers, but I have found that some of the responses are worth more than a quick glance, so I will be feeding them out on the blog over the next few weeks.

Feedback and discussion are welcome! (Especially from the married people that might following this blog, because I definitely don’t have any expertise on that matter!)

This piece of wisdom comes from Sheryl.  Hope you enjoy!

What advice do you have for overcoming the hard times in marriage?

Many people deal with this question by saying "divorce is not an option". My husband & I disagree! We have both been in marriages where that was "the policy", and divorce eventually not only became an option but a reality. So, while we believe that marriage is a commitment for life, we have what we call "healthy fear" that our marriage could fail, and since neither of us wants that to happen, we work hard at our relationship to make sure neither of us ever has a reason to consider divorce.

What is the best piece of relationship advice you have learned or heard?

When you realize there are bricks coming up building a wall between you, take them down, one by one. Don't throw them at one another. Instead, use them as stepping stones to get over whatever still remains of the wall.

Intentional Receptivity

Finally an article with good constructive advice for the single ladies waiting to be pursued!

Intentional Receptivity

...at least I think it's good advice. What do I know? I'm still single :)

Speaking of which, let's get some more feedback and discussion going in these here comment sections!

GUYS: Would you agree with the suggestions for the ladies in "Intentional Receptivity"? Anything you would add, or anything that doesn't quite sit right with you?

I'll work on a real post soon, I promise. I've got at least a dozen half-written ones lying around waiting for some love.

Women's Worst Fear Revealed...

I think this is probably THE biggest unnecessarily kept secret about women.

Are you ready, men?

Here it is:



Women's worst fear is of BEING ABANDONED.

Every bump in the road, every disagreement, every miscommunication, we worry you might love us a little less, or we wonder if we’ve done something to make you think about leaving.

I'm always going to worry that something I inadvertently pull one day is going to scare you away. I really, REALLY need to know that you are not going anywhere.

Men, if you are spending lots of time alone to process something, or if you seem unresponsive to us one day, we are automatically going to think "Oh CRAP, I did something to make him not want to be around me. I screwed up. I need to fix this. Why won't he talk to me? What did I do wrong?" Honestly, this will be on the absolute forefront of our minds, above work, above other friends and family, above whatever we're trying to accomplish at any given moment, until you convince us that the relationship is not in jeopardy.

When women sense that their man has been acting distant, we start craving affirmation. And ironically, it will naturally out in the form of sarcasm, or acting equally distant toward said man. Why? I think it's because we want him to NOTICE the rift, and to DO something about it. It's a sad phenomenon, but I'm pretty sure that's what's going on in most women's subconsciousness.

The other extreme of women might start acting clingy instead. Which probably makes you men want to spend even more time alone. :-/

So, men: Probably the best thing you can do, when you need to go off to spend a lot of time alone, is say these magic words... repeat after me:
"Darling, there are some things I need to process alone for a while before I can talk about them, ***but I want you to know that we are totally okay, and I love you. You don't need to question that at all.***"

Seriously. These words will take a LOAD of stress off our minds, and we will once again be able to sleep at night! AND we'll have a MUCH easier time giving you the space you need! :D It's a win-win!!

Even if the problem is directly related to the relationship, as long as we hear something along the lines of: "I can't stand talking right now and I need to go demolish something!! I'm upset with you but I still love you. I'll be back later when I can talk more calmly!" ...it will be a HUGE relief.

Then once the problem is dealt with, come back and pursue us again.
We LOVE it, and we will never get tired of it! :)

What Not to Do: An Assessment Upon Viewing Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

After a long hiatus of writing on here, I decided to do a light-hearted critique on this famous musical. I just saw it for the first time yesterday, and with a name like it has, isn’t it just crying to be written about on such a forum? ;-)

First of all, for those who haven’t seen it, here is a plot summary from that venerable site of all movie wisdom, www.imdb.com:

“Adam, the eldest of seven brothers, goes to town to get a wife. He convinces Milly to marry him that same day. They return to his backwoods home. Only then does she discover he has six brothers - all living in his cabin. Milly sets out to reform the uncouth siblings, who are anxious to get wives of their own. Then, after reading about the Roman capture of the Sabine women, Adam develops an inspired solution to his brothers' loneliness.”

With that said, here are my thoughts upon viewing the movie. In short, men of cyberspace, here is a simple list of 10 things to keep in mind/NEVER do when considering wooing a woman...

1. Just because you’re place is a pigsty and you can’t cook for beans doesn’t mean you need a wife. It means you need to grow up.

2. Adam Pontipee is the epitome of how NOT to view/treat women. I have no idea why Milly ever fell for him. Sheer desperation? If I met a man like him and he talked to me/treated me like that, he’d have a swollen lip and good kick in the pants in about ten seconds.

3. Don’t think you can just march into town one day and get a wife like buying chewing tobacco and wagon supplies. This isn't Oregon Trail, and if you think it is, you may have an unfortunate accident fording the river, if you catch my drift.

4. Don’t think singing “Bless Your Beautiful Hide” is gonna woo anyone over.

5. Essentially saying, “I don’t have time to get to know you, so just agree to marry me on-the-spot after knowing me five minutes,” is bad news. Oh, and then accusing a woman of being prideful if she doesn’t agree to marry you under such circumstances is asking for nothing but trouble. If this wasn’t a 1950’s musical, I doubt there would be a happy ending.

6. Note how many times Milly refers to feelings when she is trying to convince the reverend that she should marry a complete stranger. Girls, please don’t justify being with a guy because of ooshy-gooshy feelings (or just because he’s not a creep).

7. Don’t keep important information from your future wife--like how you have six, animalistic brothers who live with you and how you expect your new wife to cook, clean and pick up after them like Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Catch how many times Adam refers to all the work that needs to be done around the house and then punctuates it by saying, “But now that YOU'RE here...” Gag me. There’s a monumental difference between having a wife and having a “cook, washer-woman and hired girl”(in Milly’s words).

8. Never say, “One woman’s pretty much like the next.” Especially in her presence. Gee, that sounds great. Way to make a gal feel special there, Adam.

9. Pursuing a woman is one thing. Kidnapping seven engaged women and then causing an avalanche to keep them from escaping is...not cool.

10. If you’re confronted about something you need to work on (in Adam’s case, being repeatedly extremely inconsiderate and arrogant), don’t go out into the wilderness and pout about it and then refuse to come home when you find out your wife is pregnant. What’s worse, never a) disbelieve that she had a baby or b) accuse her of having a baby as “just one of her tricks to get me to come back”. Um, I’m pretty sure it’s not all her doing that she’s pregnant, meat head. Oh, and then when you find out she had a girl, don’t be all let down about it as if you’ve been cursed. If only men knew back then that it’s them that determine the gender...

Anyway, I had a good laugh, and I appreciated the creativity in choreography (I mean, a whole musical number with axes is pretty sweet). There are good lessons in this movie is well, so don't come after me about that. This is meant to be tongue-in-cheek.

Dear Future Husband,

You will be speaking one of my love languages if you make a point to come see whatever productions I've been designing - to spare me the nagging feeling that what I do is pointless. I have probably poured weeks or months of my life into making it look/work right. It would mean so much to me to know that you genuinely take an interest in that part of my life!

I look forward to seeing you in the audience, and running up behind you to tackle you in a death-grip hug after the show. (Or vice-versa - you can do the tackling if you find me first.)

Love you!
Marlys

Defaulting to Hope

One of the many times my very good friend was gushing and bragging about her beau to me :) she told me that one of the things she most loves and values about him is that "he defaults to hope." That statement has stuck with me since she said it almost two years ago. The more I've thought about it, the more important it's become to me too.

“Defaulting to hope” doesn’t mean always having an enthusiastic smile plastered on your face, convincing yourself to be cheerful all the time. As I’ve been working it out in myself, I understand it to mean that we will never have full control over our own circumstances, BUT each of us is entirely responsible for our own reactions to everything. Get out from under the assumption that you can hold on to a cranky attitude because of someone who wronged you, or because traffic made you late to work this morning, or because of something that happened deep in your past.

Dear Future Husband, I hope and pray that you are not (and will never become) the kind of man who always finds something to complain about and focuses on the negative, because I really can't handle hearing about it all the time. Now don't get me wrong; Everyone needs an outlet to vent every once in a while, and I very much want to understand your world and the things that are bothering you!! It's just that I don’t want to see you get bent out of shape every time something doesn’t turn out the way you planned. One of my favorite quotes to live by (which I'm not sure anyone but my sister will even recognize!) is this:

"Life is full of plans - about half of them get changed. If you get all bent outta shape every time your plans get changed, you'll spend half your life bent outta shape!"

My dear Future Husband, I would much rather grow old with you knowing that you will be hopeful in all things, still counting your blessings when crummy circumstances happen, and ever looking forward to the good things to come. I want the old man lines in your face to be from laughing and smiling, rather than scowling and pouting :)

This applies to all readers: The true challenge of defaulting to hope is to take stock of what you’ve been given, and run with it. If you are living with childhood scars, then you need to become aware of false assumptions you’ve been living under, and change your mindset. Make the most of your circumstances. You absolutely must have an awareness of how much you let negative circumstances shape who you are by how you react! If you know Jesus Christ and you know the words of scripture, you know that this life is not going to be easy, but you have a reason to hope for the abounding life he has promised!

I understand it’s a tall order, but I know it exists because I’ve seen it in enough other people. And I’ve got a bit of hope too :)

My most very favorite music artist Sleeping At Last just released a very fitting song this New Year’s Day that I would really like to accompany this post! Here are the lyrics:

January White
So let's press undo; rearrange the old and call it new-
January white

Every calendar is playing the same old trick:
A year will disappear, replaced with counterfeit
But we'll never really mind

Cause if nothing else, we're given a little time to change the game
A chance to redefine everything we are
In our January white

This year is a sealed envelope; a culmination of hopes
The lottery result that we've been crossing our fingers for

We could paint our walls a lighter shade of blue
Or we could pack our bags and change the entire view
To January white

If nothing else we're given a little time
To change the heart in which we change our minds
Our hourglasses turn

This year is a sealed envelope;
With apprehensive hope, we brace for anything.
I swear, I understand that nothing changes that,
The past will be the past,
But the future is brighter than any flashback.

Well, we could let our guards down a little easier this time,
We could trust that when there's joy, there's nothing dark behind.
In spite of history,
Hope is January white.

This year, we're starting over again
Letter openers in hand, a chance to take a chance.
I swear, I understand that the past will be the past,
And nothing changes that,
But the future is brighter than any flashback

...But I’m not done yet!!

While we are still talking about hope, my church just did a message on Christmas Eve titled “HOPE: A Weary World Rejoices.”

I’m telling you, if you are a human being, you gotta hear this message.

Very simple, honest teaching, with some touching and humorous anecdotes. I hope you can enjoy and get out of it at least as much as I did!

Future Husbands out there, there's a fantastically inspiring story in there that I think you will find very encouraging - go check it out!

Click here to watch "HOPE: A Weary World Rejoices."
(Please don’t skip over the music to get to the message part - I especially want you to see the opening song at the beginning, and the song at 18:30!)

Wise Thoughts From Kids

WHAT EXACTLY IS MARRIAGE?

"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents!"
-Eric, 6

HOW DOES A PERSON DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY??

"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one."
-Kally, 9

"My mother says to look for a man who is kind....That's what I'll do....I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome."
-Carolyn, 8

WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED??

"Eighty-four! Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom."
-Carolyn, 8

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife!"
-Bert, 5

HOW DID YOUR MOM AND DAD MEET??

"They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down...It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values."
-Lottie, 9

"My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won't tell me what kind."
-Jeremy, 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE??

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
-Martin, 10

"Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love."
-Craig, 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE??

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding."
-Allan, 10

"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you....If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours."
-Kally, 9

THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED??

"You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan!"
-Kirsten, 10

"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them!"
-Anita, 9

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble."
-Will, 7

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS
BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE

"One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too."
-Andrew, age 6

"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell ... That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular."
-Mae, age 9

"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful."
-Manuel, age 8

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE

"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
-John, age 9

"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long."
-Glenn, age 7

ON THE ROLE OF BEAUTY AND HANDSOMENESS IN LOVE

"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful."
-Anita C., age 8

"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet."
-Brian, age 7

"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time."
-Christine, age 9

REFLECTIONS ON THE NATURE OF LOVE

"Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too."
-Greg, age 8

HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE?

"Mooshy ... like puppy dogs ... except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much."
-Arnold, age 10

"All of a sudden, the people get movie fever so they can sit together in the dark."
-Sherm, age 8

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS

"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them."
-Gavin, age 8

"They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing."
-John, age 9

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE

"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'Dinosaurs' is on television."
-Jill, age 6

"Love is foolish ... but I still might try it sometime."
-Floyd, age 9

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me."
-Dave, age 8

"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough."
-Regina, age 10

THE PERSONAL QUALITIES YOU NEED TO
HAVE IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD LOVER

"Sensitivity don't hurt."
-Robbie, age 8

"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills."
-Ava, age 8

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores."
-Del, age 6

"Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs ... and don't worry if their parents are right there."
-Manuel, age 8

"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love."
-Alonzo, age 9

"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me."
-Bart, age 9

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING
DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?

"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love."
-Bobby, age 9

"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food."
-Bart, age 9

"Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up."
-Sarah, age 9

"See if the man has lipstick on his face."
-Sandra, age 7

"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are... on fire."
-Christine, age 9

TITLES OF THE LOVE BALLADS YOU CAN SING TO YOUR BELOVED

"'How Do I Love Thee When You're Always Picking Your Nose?'"
-Arnold, age 10

"'You Are My Darling Even Though You Also Know My Sister.'"
-Larry, age 8

"'I Love Hamburgers, I Like You!'"
-Eddie, age 6

"'I Am in Love with You Most of the Time, but Don't Bother Me When I'm with My Friends.'"
-Bob, age 9

"'Hey, Baby, I Don't like Girls but I'm Willing to Forget You Are One!'"
-Will, age 7

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"

"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day."
-Michelle, age 9

"Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it and now they can go eat."
-Dick, age 7

HOW WAS KISSING INVENTED?

"I know one reason that kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses."
-Gina, age 8

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS

"You can have a big rehearsal with your Barbie and Ken dolls."
-Julia, age 7

"You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you."
-Brian, age 7

"It might help to watch soap operas all day."
-Carin, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

"When they're rich."
-Pam, age 7

"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you ... That's why I stopped doing it."
-Tammy, age 10

"If it's your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if it's a new person, you have to ask permission."
-Roger, age 6

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE

"Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind ... Love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch."

"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work."
-Dick, age 7

"Don't forget your wife's name ... That will mess up the love."
-Erin, age 8

"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash."
-Dave, age 8

What to do with "singles events"?!

Hello readers,

I've recently been working on a guest post for a coworker, which she featured today on her blog. Every week she posts something on the topic of marriage for "Wedded Wednesday," and she asked me to write for it from a single person's perspective. So here it is, for the DFH readers to enjoy as well!




Several months ago, I brought about 30 of my young adult friends - a mixed crowd of guys and girls who all happen to be single - to a Feed My Starving Children event at my church. I purposely did not tell them that the volunteer slot I signed us up for was the designated “singles night.”

(Side note: It's funny to think that some of the same people are reading this now, ha... I'm only partially sorry! But you really helped make a great illustration for this blog post!)

Everyone was excited to be there together, to scoop rice and pack boxes. We entered the room and donned our hairnets. The speaker got up to the platform and said, “Welcome to Singles Night at Feed My Starving Children!” Immediately I had all eyes on me, and I heard several whispers of disbelief at my treachery - “You brought us to a SINGLES NIGHT?!”

Yep, that went just about as expected.

I can’t say I’m speaking for all my friends, but let me share with you my own thoughts:
By showing up to anything called a “singles event,” I feel super self-conscious that I am presenting myself as “on the market, desperate to get off, so that’s why I’m here, and so are you. Take me!” The label “singles event” alone screams “meat market of desperation.” At a "singles event," I am going to be hyper aware of anyone of the opposite sex who approaches me, and likewise I have the fear that any guy I strike up a conversation with is going to think I’m only approaching him because I have a particular attraction to him. Even if it’s true that I do, I don’t want to scare him off by being too forward... but if I don’t have a particular attraction to him, I don’t want to give the impression that I do! I just can’t beat the awkwardness! So I don't bother going.

Not to mention, I have an irrational but common fear that most of the people that show up to these things are smooth-talking smarmy creepers.

As much as we all want to find the right person to spend our lives with, people in my age bracket really abhor the forced interaction of "Let's put all the singles together in one room and let them loose on each other!" Rather, we are really longing for authentic community with our peers. The post-college stage of life can be rather isolated and depressing. We need a network of friends who enjoy being together and will help each other out, whether single or married. We all have things to learn from each others' experiences.

My group of friends I mentioned earlier is a rarity, in that we make a point to all meet together at least once a week and make a meal, hang out, play games, jam on our instruments, and just enjoy each others’ company. And at the heart of it all, we love the Lord. He has blessed us by bringing us into this community that others our age are so desperately needing. Anyone new to the group is instantly hooked. Many have said it’s one of the few things that keeps them sane week-to-week. Hearing such comments is both flattering and alarming. Why does my house seem to be the only place where this kind of community is happening on a regular basis?

I'd say my friends and I are all pretty well-adjusted young folk. We are intelligent, creative, active individuals with a widespread array of interests and fields of expertise. In fact, this probably describes many of the other 46% of all young adults (age 25-34) across the nation who have never been married. For the first time in recorded history, the number of never-married singles in this age bracket now exceeds the number of our peers who are married, according to US Census reports that were released about a month ago. Yet, according to numerous surveys, most of these single young adults still want to get married.

So why are we all still single? Why is this a nation-wide phenomenon? And what does that have to do with the church?

There are many contributing factors to the shrinking marriage statistics - a lot of which occur in the home and in the media - but for the sake of everyone's attention span, I will just be focusing on folks in the church here.

Throughout history, the church has played an active role in helping young men and women find their way to the altar. It was essentially a given that most people should get married, and folks in the church took it upon themselves (more or less) to make sure everyone got matched up correctly. From what I gather though, it seems that a lot of people took this to extreme measures, becoming way too nosey, gossipy, and controlling, and there has since been a huge societal backlash.

Now I fear the pendulum has swung too far the opposite way - the church community as a whole has become far too passive in the lives of young single adults. The message drilled into us, from pulpits as well as parishioners, boils down to this: “Keep waiting. Now keep waiting some more. Look how many marriages are failing; don’t marry the wrong person and become one of them. So you'd better wait even longer. Ignore your body telling you that you were biologically ready a decade ago. Don’t trust any of your feelings. Think rationally about everything, and analyze the life out of your relationships. When the magical time comes, which may well be when your hormones are dead, God will plop the right person in front of you and you won't be able to avoid marrying them, so you’d better not do anything to interfere with that process.” I exaggerate, of course. But only a little.

It’s no wonder so many people are scared to enter a relationship though. We've heard enough horror stories of marriages turning sour. Way too many have experienced it vicariously through family members. Folks, this is incredibly discouraging. What we really need to hear are the success stories! We can know in our minds that God created marriage to be a beautiful model of His love that we can tangibly experience on earth, but many of us have hardly ever seen it in action.

To the common church folk:
If you are reading this and you have been married at least a few years, and especially if you have gotten through some tough things with your spouse, I HIGHLY encourage you to invest in the lives of some single people. If you have something good to say about your marriage, we desperately need to hear it. Also, you have been through enough to see things about us that we are blind to. We need you to be our role models, mentors, coaches and networkers.

To church leaders everywhere:
Evaluate how you are presenting your views on marriage to your congregation. How much value are you giving it? Do you often talk about what marriage can be like at its best? What are you offering to the single people who come to your church? (...Or don’t they come to your church?) I encourage you to find creative ways to get all the young single people in your congregation plugged into mentorships, to break the generational silence and get some good dialogue flowing.

As far as what to do in lieu of "singles events":
I'd really like to see more churches holding regular events for ALL young adults to come together and regularly engage in community-building environments. We don't require a whole lot of structure outside of free food and some music - we just need to be around each other, without the segregation of marrieds and singles. The single people will figure out who’s taken and who’s available on their own. And our married friends can be great natural community-builders, bringing each of their friends together and introducing everyone to each other.

...with the added bonus of them acting as buffers against the creepers who escaped all the awkward singles events going on down the road.

Priorities that will prevent problems

Continuing Lindsay's train of thought, here's an excerpt of an article I just saw:

"In his book, His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage, Dr. Willard Harley says that the marriages most susceptible to infidelity are those where one or both spouses fail to meet their partners' primary needs. For wives, those needs are affection, conversation, honesty and openness, financial commitment and family commitment. Husbands' primary needs are sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, an attractive spouse, domestic support and admiration."

Read the rest of this article...

please speak well of me.

I don't know if I'm the only cynic who notices this or not, but I'm tired of the lame view of marriage and happiness our world shows us.

Marriage should be a joy. To find someone else to fuse together with and serve the Lord, that is a treasure. A treasure that should not be taken lightly, mocked, be looked down upon, or negelcted. It is a unique relationship unlike any other that takes a lot of hard work and selflessness. I guess I'm far from an expert being as I'm not married, but in my heart I know the Word gives us instruction to make a healthy loving marriage possible. If it wasn't, the Lord wouldn't have created it.

As I think all of the other Andalasians have alluded to or stated in past posts - the media and todays society has really messed with our views and interpretations of the whole guy/girl dating/marriage world. There are so many more lies and sinful twists that screw with our minds - so much so, that I think even as believers unbiblical and unrealistic expectations get intermingled with the truth. Of course I realize that just because you're a "Christian" it is NOT going to make your marriage all sparkles, bubbles and giggles. (I just had a horrifying mental image with that sentence btw... barf.) However, I do believe that the Lord has made a way so that even in this fallen world, we can have truly satisfying and joyful marriages.

A note of encouragement to the future spouses:
Exodus 20:17 (the message) "No lusting after your neighbor's house - or wife or servant or maid or ox or donkey. Don't set your heart on anything that is your neighbor's." Peeps, stop checking out other peoples spouses and craving what you don't have! I don't know how much more that could spell out d-i-s-a-s-t-e-r, but whether you are single, dating, or married - it's all the same. We must learn to be fully satisfied with who and what the Lord has given us!
(and yes, i did label that as encouragement, because it should be encouraging not limiting.)

A note to the wives:
Proverbs 12:4 (the message) "A hearty wife invigorates her husband, but a frigid woman is cancer in the bones."
Proverbs 12:4 (ESV) "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones."
Proverbs 27:15-17 (ESV) "A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; to restrain her is like restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one's right hand. Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another."
Proverbs 31:10-12 (ESV) "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts inher, and he will have no lack of gain. SHe does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.

Ladies, lets seek what it means to be Godly women. It will not only give you strength beyond your own ability, but it will encourage your husband to love you and help with the issue of lusting after the neighbor ladies. There will not be another close second if you give him the respect he deserves.

I could probably ramble on longer, but I fear this is longer than I had intended...

Friend Zone Myths Debunked!

Fellas, I don't know how the dreaded friend zone became such a huge concern, but for the most part, it hardly even exists.

There are a few guys who may catch our eyes right away, but they're not the ones we go home and think about, and ask our friends for advice about.

On the contrary, it's the men we've known for a while - long enough to know at least a fair amount about their character - that become long-term crushes. These are the men we trust to not take advantage of us, and who we want to protect us from those that would.

People change and grow over time, and so do their priorities and desired qualities in a mate. Guys, please don’t discount a girl you like because you think she deposited you in the “friend zone” long ago. Even if she has, if you feel strongly enough about her, you can probably persuade her to rethink how she feels about you with a bit of creative wooing.
Be encouraged - On the off-chance you unwillingly find yourself in the friend zone, know that it doesn’t have to be a permanent residence!

Disclaimer to guys: A girl may have legitimate reasons for keeping you in the friend zone, such as issues of maturity, or differing core beliefs.
On that note, a message to the ladies: Aside from those kind of non-negotiables, likewise, don’t discount a man just because you’re not initially attracted to him.

That is all.

Suggestions on Finding a Man

Here are a few suggestions on finding a man from the Old Spice Guy.