I don't know if I'm the only cynic who notices this or not, but I'm tired of the lame view of marriage and happiness our world shows us.
Marriage should be a joy. To find someone else to fuse together with and serve the Lord, that is a treasure. A treasure that should not be taken lightly, mocked, be looked down upon, or negelcted. It is a unique relationship unlike any other that takes a lot of hard work and selflessness. I guess I'm far from an expert being as I'm not married, but in my heart I know the Word gives us instruction to make a healthy loving marriage possible. If it wasn't, the Lord wouldn't have created it.
As I think all of the other Andalasians have alluded to or stated in past posts - the media and todays society has really messed with our views and interpretations of the whole guy/girl dating/marriage world. There are so many more lies and sinful twists that screw with our minds - so much so, that I think even as believers unbiblical and unrealistic expectations get intermingled with the truth. Of course I realize that just because you're a "Christian" it is NOT going to make your marriage all sparkles, bubbles and giggles. (I just had a horrifying mental image with that sentence btw... barf.) However, I do believe that the Lord has made a way so that even in this fallen world, we can have truly satisfying and joyful marriages.
A note of encouragement to the future spouses:
Exodus 20:17 (the message) "No lusting after your neighbor's house - or wife or servant or maid or ox or donkey. Don't set your heart on anything that is your neighbor's." Peeps, stop checking out other peoples spouses and craving what you don't have! I don't know how much more that could spell out d-i-s-a-s-t-e-r, but whether you are single, dating, or married - it's all the same. We must learn to be fully satisfied with who and what the Lord has given us!
(and yes, i did label that as encouragement, because it should be encouraging not limiting.)
A note to the wives:
Proverbs 12:4 (the message) "A hearty wife invigorates her husband, but a frigid woman is cancer in the bones."
Proverbs 12:4 (ESV) "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones."
Proverbs 27:15-17 (ESV) "A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; to restrain her is like restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one's right hand. Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another."
Proverbs 31:10-12 (ESV) "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts inher, and he will have no lack of gain. SHe does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
Ladies, lets seek what it means to be Godly women. It will not only give you strength beyond your own ability, but it will encourage your husband to love you and help with the issue of lusting after the neighbor ladies. There will not be another close second if you give him the respect he deserves.
I could probably ramble on longer, but I fear this is longer than I had intended...
Showing posts with label to the future wives. Show all posts
Showing posts with label to the future wives. Show all posts
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Friend Zone Myths Debunked!
Fellas, I don't know how the dreaded friend zone became such a huge concern, but for the most part, it hardly even exists.
There are a few guys who may catch our eyes right away, but they're not the ones we go home and think about, and ask our friends for advice about.
On the contrary, it's the men we've known for a while - long enough to know at least a fair amount about their character - that become long-term crushes. These are the men we trust to not take advantage of us, and who we want to protect us from those that would.
People change and grow over time, and so do their priorities and desired qualities in a mate. Guys, please don’t discount a girl you like because you think she deposited you in the “friend zone” long ago. Even if she has, if you feel strongly enough about her, you can probably persuade her to rethink how she feels about you with a bit of creative wooing.
Be encouraged - On the off-chance you unwillingly find yourself in the friend zone, know that it doesn’t have to be a permanent residence!
Disclaimer to guys: A girl may have legitimate reasons for keeping you in the friend zone, such as issues of maturity, or differing core beliefs.
On that note, a message to the ladies: Aside from those kind of non-negotiables, likewise, don’t discount a man just because you’re not initially attracted to him.
That is all.
There are a few guys who may catch our eyes right away, but they're not the ones we go home and think about, and ask our friends for advice about.
On the contrary, it's the men we've known for a while - long enough to know at least a fair amount about their character - that become long-term crushes. These are the men we trust to not take advantage of us, and who we want to protect us from those that would.
People change and grow over time, and so do their priorities and desired qualities in a mate. Guys, please don’t discount a girl you like because you think she deposited you in the “friend zone” long ago. Even if she has, if you feel strongly enough about her, you can probably persuade her to rethink how she feels about you with a bit of creative wooing.
Be encouraged - On the off-chance you unwillingly find yourself in the friend zone, know that it doesn’t have to be a permanent residence!
Disclaimer to guys: A girl may have legitimate reasons for keeping you in the friend zone, such as issues of maturity, or differing core beliefs.
On that note, a message to the ladies: Aside from those kind of non-negotiables, likewise, don’t discount a man just because you’re not initially attracted to him.
That is all.
Monday, October 4, 2010
our love is here to stay.
To the husbands and wives of the future:
Do not lose your fervor.
First and above all, do not lose your fervor for the Lord. Nothing else will be good enough, will be as excellent, or as beautiful if you neglect the worth and glory of our Lord and Savior. It takes constant prayer and the laying down of our selfishness, and it is the greatest and most important thing we can do with our lives. Do not lose your childlike love, awe, and wonder for our great Father. He has told each leaf what color and shade is should be and He alone can change them. His glory is unmeasurable.
Secondly, do not lose your fervor for loving your spouse. We all put so much worry and effort into dating / finding a boyfriend or girlfriend / impressing each other / dreaming of the future / being broken hearted when it doesn't work out the way we planned. For all that effort and worry, how many marriages do we see now that still reflect that same fervor and admiration? Marriage shouldn't be the last step in a relationship, it should be permission to finally love and cherish the one you love as much as you possibly can. Of course I realize that it won't always be easy and maybe not even something you want to do everyday. There is freedom in marriage to not have boundaries to be guarded in your love and the need to be careful to not give too much of yourself too quickly as in dating. I fear I've seen the opposite as I've observed the realm of dating. We give so much of ourselves while dating or in a serious relationship with someone. It almost seems like it's our pitiful way of getting relational insurance. If I give this much, there's no way that he/she can leave me. Then once we get married, it's on with the chains and the horrible single days are over jokes. That is not the way it should be! Your married so that you can finally love unconditionally and fully with no limitations! Husbands love as Christ loved the church (He gave EVERYTHING for the church), and wives love as you submit to your husband as to the Lord with respect for him. (Ephesians 5. *please have a correct and biblical, loving understanding of submitting).
Date each other after your married.
Surprise each other.
Flirt with your spouse. and not anyone else!
Mr. until we are old and gray with bad knees and adding glucose to our water, flirt with me and do not lose your fervor and admiration for me. I hope that we fall more in love with each other everyday, even on the off days.
Do not lose your fervor.
First and above all, do not lose your fervor for the Lord. Nothing else will be good enough, will be as excellent, or as beautiful if you neglect the worth and glory of our Lord and Savior. It takes constant prayer and the laying down of our selfishness, and it is the greatest and most important thing we can do with our lives. Do not lose your childlike love, awe, and wonder for our great Father. He has told each leaf what color and shade is should be and He alone can change them. His glory is unmeasurable.
Secondly, do not lose your fervor for loving your spouse. We all put so much worry and effort into dating / finding a boyfriend or girlfriend / impressing each other / dreaming of the future / being broken hearted when it doesn't work out the way we planned. For all that effort and worry, how many marriages do we see now that still reflect that same fervor and admiration? Marriage shouldn't be the last step in a relationship, it should be permission to finally love and cherish the one you love as much as you possibly can. Of course I realize that it won't always be easy and maybe not even something you want to do everyday. There is freedom in marriage to not have boundaries to be guarded in your love and the need to be careful to not give too much of yourself too quickly as in dating. I fear I've seen the opposite as I've observed the realm of dating. We give so much of ourselves while dating or in a serious relationship with someone. It almost seems like it's our pitiful way of getting relational insurance. If I give this much, there's no way that he/she can leave me. Then once we get married, it's on with the chains and the horrible single days are over jokes. That is not the way it should be! Your married so that you can finally love unconditionally and fully with no limitations! Husbands love as Christ loved the church (He gave EVERYTHING for the church), and wives love as you submit to your husband as to the Lord with respect for him. (Ephesians 5. *please have a correct and biblical, loving understanding of submitting).
Date each other after your married.
Surprise each other.
Flirt with your spouse. and not anyone else!
Mr. until we are old and gray with bad knees and adding glucose to our water, flirt with me and do not lose your fervor and admiration for me. I hope that we fall more in love with each other everyday, even on the off days.
Monday, September 27, 2010
The 70's Are Over!
A few hours ago, some of us Andalasians were talking about how we enjoy being sappy and sentimental... but we've been very conflicted throughout our lives about letting that show. And I have the sneaking suspicion that it's not limited to the ladies in this house. I think a lot of women are feeling the same way. We figured it has something to with wanting to appear capable - Proving that our heads aren't always in the clouds, or that our thoughts aren't easily swayed by fleeting emotions. Because that would make us less credible.
We've been raised to believe that we can do anything the boys can do. We hear that we need to get higher degrees, and succeed in competitive careers! Join the army! Become President of the United States! Toughen yourself up, and take it like a man! While you're at it, wear the pants in your relationship, IF you're weak enough to need a man! Heaven forbid you "waste your life" keeping a home, supporting a husband, and raising children!
Darn feminist movement. The 70's are over, people!
Sorry. Tangent.
So basically, culture has been telling us all our lives that we need to shut down the emotional side of our brains in order to be more rational, reasonable, intellectual, and capable, and therefore more competitive and successful. Because it is what we women "must do" these days. It's expected of us.
I've spent most of my life doing a frighteningly good job of internalizing everything I felt. Only in the past several months (my roommates have testified to this) have I really been coming to grips with the idea that trying to hide my emotional side is pretty silly. I don't have to suppress it in order to be an intelligent being. I don't have to be any less "capable" in order to acknowledge my emotions. God gave them to me - they are valuable, and I should embrace them. God himself is an emotional being. Just look - He weeps and rejoices all over the Bible! And He is Love! He cares for the littlest sparrow - you can't even imagine how much more He cares for you, a being made in His image!
And He gave women such an extreme capacity for emotion that was created to complement men! It really is a shame we're compelled to stifle it. Let's stop trying to, shall we, ladies? I can say from experience that life is so much more fulfilling when you take time to fully experience and appreciate the beauty in life. Doing so will not make you any less capable. You don't have to prove anything. :)
On that note, future husband of mine somewhere out there, let it be known that I won't fight you for the sake of proving my capability in most cases... EXCEPT when it comes to hooking up the DVD player to the tv and speakers. I take great joy in connecting audio/visual equipment, and I can do it just fine on my own, thankyouverymuch! he he he...
"If you live wide-eyed in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. Keep your eyes open, your lamp burning, so you don't get musty and murky. Keep your life as well-lighted as your best-lighted room."
- from Luke chapter 11
We've been raised to believe that we can do anything the boys can do. We hear that we need to get higher degrees, and succeed in competitive careers! Join the army! Become President of the United States! Toughen yourself up, and take it like a man! While you're at it, wear the pants in your relationship, IF you're weak enough to need a man! Heaven forbid you "waste your life" keeping a home, supporting a husband, and raising children!
Darn feminist movement. The 70's are over, people!
Sorry. Tangent.
So basically, culture has been telling us all our lives that we need to shut down the emotional side of our brains in order to be more rational, reasonable, intellectual, and capable, and therefore more competitive and successful. Because it is what we women "must do" these days. It's expected of us.
I've spent most of my life doing a frighteningly good job of internalizing everything I felt. Only in the past several months (my roommates have testified to this) have I really been coming to grips with the idea that trying to hide my emotional side is pretty silly. I don't have to suppress it in order to be an intelligent being. I don't have to be any less "capable" in order to acknowledge my emotions. God gave them to me - they are valuable, and I should embrace them. God himself is an emotional being. Just look - He weeps and rejoices all over the Bible! And He is Love! He cares for the littlest sparrow - you can't even imagine how much more He cares for you, a being made in His image!
And He gave women such an extreme capacity for emotion that was created to complement men! It really is a shame we're compelled to stifle it. Let's stop trying to, shall we, ladies? I can say from experience that life is so much more fulfilling when you take time to fully experience and appreciate the beauty in life. Doing so will not make you any less capable. You don't have to prove anything. :)
On that note, future husband of mine somewhere out there, let it be known that I won't fight you for the sake of proving my capability in most cases... EXCEPT when it comes to hooking up the DVD player to the tv and speakers. I take great joy in connecting audio/visual equipment, and I can do it just fine on my own, thankyouverymuch! he he he...
"If you live wide-eyed in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. Keep your eyes open, your lamp burning, so you don't get musty and murky. Keep your life as well-lighted as your best-lighted room."
- from Luke chapter 11
Saturday, September 25, 2010
The view from a few years from now...
A sweet post from a friend of mine!
http://vosberg.blogspot.com/2010/09/i-will-follow-suit.html
http://vosberg.blogspot.com/2010/09/i-will-follow-suit.html
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
To the Future Wives
It has come to my attention that a good portion of the readers of DFH are women. I think this is because we, the women, like to know we are not alone in the world, that are other people out there feeling just as confused as we are. I wanted to take the opportunity to address the women, the future wives and tell you a few of the things that I have learned (or am still learning), so…
To The Future Wives:
I know most of you are excited for the day when you will be married, some of you have dreamed of that day and some of you have already picked out your reception location. It's so easy to think about the future, the things to come and the what will be, that sometimes we forget to appreciate the present, to seize the day. So here are a few pieces of advice for the meantime:
FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE
I have heard so many women talk about everything they are not, more than I care to even count, but what about everything that we are? Each of us has something unique to offer, for some of us, that might be more awkwardness than grace or elegance, but that doesn't mean it's not worthwhile. Not every man is looking for the prim and proper, always put together woman who looks like she just stepped out of an advertisement in Martha Stewart magazine. I know I am not looking for the guy who just walked out of a Hollister ad, I am looking for a guy who can appreciate the fact that I love Joss Whedon TV shows, nerdy tshirts, apple products, ultimate frisbee and photography more than I love cleaning.
Somehow we get the idea in our heads that only the perfect girls that will find someone? But who are they? We all make mistakes, we all get zits on our faces, have bad hair days or bad hair years and would probably change something about our physical appearance if it was left up to us.
I know it's cliche and over stated, but the man who truly loves you, will know all of your strengths and all of your weaknesses and he will love you all the same and that is a beautiful thing. Confidence goes along way, knowing who you are will help a man know who you are. If you are awkward, be awkward, if you are clumsy, embrace that. Don't be afraid to sing at the top of your lungs in the car, dance in front of an open window or laugh until you snort, these are all parts of the creativity of God. He didn't form you in your mother's womb, and then go, "Oops! That's not how that was supposed to turn out!"
So in the words of Dolly Parton, "Find out who you are and do it on purpose," because the sooner we can do that, the sooner we can live in the full knowledge that we are created by God and God doesn't make mistakes.
KEEP GROWING
Find ways to continue growing, pursue your passions, find adventure, learn about what interests you. Don't ever think that you life begins or ends with or without a man. This world is full of many wonderful things, places to visit, people to met, food to taste. Don't spend your life waiting for the next stage, embrace the stage you are in. I know this one is harder for some people who aren't naturally inclined to do something like this, so, to get you started here is a list of things you can do, some are free, some are not, but hopefully it will inspire you to do something new.
(If you are in minneapolis and want more specific recommendations, just let me know!)
LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS
On the surface, this may appear to be horrible advice, to lower your expectations, but stay with me for a minute. For ___ years, you have watched the princess be saved by the prince, you have listened to the countless songs telling of the wonders of love and you have read the great stories penned from the hands of writers over time and I think sometimes our heads get puffed up with theses ideas of how love is going to be.
In all my experience with relationships, not that it's extensive, they are rarely graceful, in fact, they are generally awkward and they certainly never live up to the slow motion montages featured in most chick flicks.
My parents separated two years ago and it has made me rethink everything that I thought I knew about marriage. It's not this fluffy fairytale where you decide that you love each other and then everything magically falls into place. Marriage is a commitment, a fight, even a war at times. We have to prepare ourselves for that, to be prepared for confrontation, to put fail-safes in place so that when we falter, we have a net of support.
No, lower your expectations doesn't mean to settle for Mr. Collins just because you are afraid of being alone, it just means understand where you are setting the expectations too high, where you are lost in the thought of the perfect man and the perfect marriage that are fabricated from fictional stories that will never come true.
TRUST GOD'S PLAN
The longer I live, the more I realize how wrong I can be. For instance, if my life had gone according to my plan at 16, I would have been married, working at an awesome Christian radio station that I helped start, driving a Chrysler Sebring convertible, living in Colorado Springs and I would probably have a little baby running around. As it turns out, I am 24, living in a house full of women, driving a Toyota Matrix, working in marketing for a small company that no one has ever really heard of, in fact, most of my friends can't even remember what it's called, spending the weekends taking pictures of other people getting married BUT I am incredibly blessed by the people in my life and I wouldn't trade it for my 16-year-old self's plan anyday. You see, if I had gotten what I wanted, I wouldn't be where I am right now, living in a community of women who challenge me to be better, getting to witness first hand the lives of my best friends.
I know all of you reading this probably don't feel the same way I do right now, maybe you don't have a job or you are living at home or whatever the case may be, and trust me, I have been there, in the place of uncertainty. But I know that each of those places in our lives is there so we can learn something, so we can be better, to prepare us for what is ahead. God knows each of our hearts, he knows what I need to learn and he knows what you need to learn.
Ultimately, these are just the ramblings of a girl who is struggling to figure life out just as much as the rest of you are, but I know there are a few things that I have actually managed to learn along the way. Being a girl isn't easy, there are lots of dangers, pitfalls and black holes that we can fall into in our own minds, but when we truly learn to trust God's plan and take the time to see the reasons why he puts us where we are and made us who we are, I think that is when we can find true joy.
To The Future Wives:
I know most of you are excited for the day when you will be married, some of you have dreamed of that day and some of you have already picked out your reception location. It's so easy to think about the future, the things to come and the what will be, that sometimes we forget to appreciate the present, to seize the day. So here are a few pieces of advice for the meantime:
FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE
I have heard so many women talk about everything they are not, more than I care to even count, but what about everything that we are? Each of us has something unique to offer, for some of us, that might be more awkwardness than grace or elegance, but that doesn't mean it's not worthwhile. Not every man is looking for the prim and proper, always put together woman who looks like she just stepped out of an advertisement in Martha Stewart magazine. I know I am not looking for the guy who just walked out of a Hollister ad, I am looking for a guy who can appreciate the fact that I love Joss Whedon TV shows, nerdy tshirts, apple products, ultimate frisbee and photography more than I love cleaning.
Somehow we get the idea in our heads that only the perfect girls that will find someone? But who are they? We all make mistakes, we all get zits on our faces, have bad hair days or bad hair years and would probably change something about our physical appearance if it was left up to us.
I know it's cliche and over stated, but the man who truly loves you, will know all of your strengths and all of your weaknesses and he will love you all the same and that is a beautiful thing. Confidence goes along way, knowing who you are will help a man know who you are. If you are awkward, be awkward, if you are clumsy, embrace that. Don't be afraid to sing at the top of your lungs in the car, dance in front of an open window or laugh until you snort, these are all parts of the creativity of God. He didn't form you in your mother's womb, and then go, "Oops! That's not how that was supposed to turn out!"
So in the words of Dolly Parton, "Find out who you are and do it on purpose," because the sooner we can do that, the sooner we can live in the full knowledge that we are created by God and God doesn't make mistakes.
KEEP GROWING
Find ways to continue growing, pursue your passions, find adventure, learn about what interests you. Don't ever think that you life begins or ends with or without a man. This world is full of many wonderful things, places to visit, people to met, food to taste. Don't spend your life waiting for the next stage, embrace the stage you are in. I know this one is harder for some people who aren't naturally inclined to do something like this, so, to get you started here is a list of things you can do, some are free, some are not, but hopefully it will inspire you to do something new.
- Visit a museum
- Try a new ethnic food (I strongly recommend: Ethiopian, Japanese or French)
- Spend a day by a body of water: Lakes, Rivers, Oceans
- Take a road trip
- Read a classic novel
- See a play
- Cook something new
- Go on a photography walk
- Go to the drive-in theater
- Play paintball (it's fun, if you can handle a little pain)
- Go Geocaching (http://www.geocaching.com/)
- Visit a new city
- Grow Something
- Play a sport (personally, I recommend Ultimate Frisbee)
- Join a club - Book club, Bunko League, Bowling League, Bible Study
- Go dancing - If you need a place to go, my roommates can make a few recommendations!
- Take lessons - Guitar, voice, dance, acting
- Write a song
- See a concert
- Learn a language
- Take a class - pottery, art
(If you are in minneapolis and want more specific recommendations, just let me know!)
LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS
On the surface, this may appear to be horrible advice, to lower your expectations, but stay with me for a minute. For ___ years, you have watched the princess be saved by the prince, you have listened to the countless songs telling of the wonders of love and you have read the great stories penned from the hands of writers over time and I think sometimes our heads get puffed up with theses ideas of how love is going to be.
In all my experience with relationships, not that it's extensive, they are rarely graceful, in fact, they are generally awkward and they certainly never live up to the slow motion montages featured in most chick flicks.
My parents separated two years ago and it has made me rethink everything that I thought I knew about marriage. It's not this fluffy fairytale where you decide that you love each other and then everything magically falls into place. Marriage is a commitment, a fight, even a war at times. We have to prepare ourselves for that, to be prepared for confrontation, to put fail-safes in place so that when we falter, we have a net of support.
No, lower your expectations doesn't mean to settle for Mr. Collins just because you are afraid of being alone, it just means understand where you are setting the expectations too high, where you are lost in the thought of the perfect man and the perfect marriage that are fabricated from fictional stories that will never come true.
TRUST GOD'S PLAN
The longer I live, the more I realize how wrong I can be. For instance, if my life had gone according to my plan at 16, I would have been married, working at an awesome Christian radio station that I helped start, driving a Chrysler Sebring convertible, living in Colorado Springs and I would probably have a little baby running around. As it turns out, I am 24, living in a house full of women, driving a Toyota Matrix, working in marketing for a small company that no one has ever really heard of, in fact, most of my friends can't even remember what it's called, spending the weekends taking pictures of other people getting married BUT I am incredibly blessed by the people in my life and I wouldn't trade it for my 16-year-old self's plan anyday. You see, if I had gotten what I wanted, I wouldn't be where I am right now, living in a community of women who challenge me to be better, getting to witness first hand the lives of my best friends.
I know all of you reading this probably don't feel the same way I do right now, maybe you don't have a job or you are living at home or whatever the case may be, and trust me, I have been there, in the place of uncertainty. But I know that each of those places in our lives is there so we can learn something, so we can be better, to prepare us for what is ahead. God knows each of our hearts, he knows what I need to learn and he knows what you need to learn.
Ultimately, these are just the ramblings of a girl who is struggling to figure life out just as much as the rest of you are, but I know there are a few things that I have actually managed to learn along the way. Being a girl isn't easy, there are lots of dangers, pitfalls and black holes that we can fall into in our own minds, but when we truly learn to trust God's plan and take the time to see the reasons why he puts us where we are and made us who we are, I think that is when we can find true joy.
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