Dear Lindsay

This Saturday marks an important moment in DFH history. The first among us is getting married!

I wrote out this devotion for one of Lindsay's bridal showers and I thought it had some ideas worth sharing! A lot of them come from "The Meaning of Marriage" by Tim Keller. Hope you enjoy it!

In general, our culture has a terrible view of marriage. It's seen as outdated, boring, disposable and often not worth the effort to save.  We are surrounded by peers who cannot fathom the idea of a relationship where living together is not a precursor to marriage. Our society has more examples than it could ever need of couples who couldn't make the relationship work because they could not put the "we" above the "me", but this isn't the example of marriage we are meant to have.

God has a better plan for marriage. A better way. A better example.

In Ephesians, Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands and tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. In God's example of marriage, we are called, not to selfishness, but to sacrifice.  We are not to live for ourselves but for the other.

I know you have all heard this verse many times, but try to think about the words.

Love is patient, kind, it does not envy or boast, it is not proud, rude or self-seeking.

None of these words are about preservation of self, not of them are about making us feel better.

If this is real love, how many celebrity marriages can you think of that show this example of love, how many movies portray this kind of sacrifice and grace.  They don't. You know why? Because, Satan hates marriage, because it is an example of Jesus' relationship with the church.  He wants us to keep thinking that the root of marriage is all about self.  But Christ didn't come down to earth for himself, Christ came and laid down his life, so that we might have life… what a great example of selflessness, what a tremendous example of grace.

Lindsay, this Saturday is a marking point, another step in the journey that you and Steve have already started on, a chance to see, live and experience the wonders of marriage that God has prepared for the two of you.  You will have disagreements, you will have bad days, you will going through trying times, but you will also have the amazing privilege of being an example to others of the grace we have been given through Jesus.

Marriage isn't supposed to be about us. It's meant to be part of our testimony to those around us. Lindsay, through your relationship with Steve, I pray that you are each able to show grace, as Christ showers his grace upon the church, not only for the sake of each other, but also, so that others might now the grace of Jesus through you.

Near Future Husbands

It's amazing what can happen in a year and a half, since we started this blog.

What started out as a half-serious joke has become a great source of discussion and encouragement!

Dear Future Husbands,

Through this blog we've come to really examine our ideas about our relationships with you: assumptions we've made that we've learned to let go of, and character qualities we've learned are essential.

Future Husbands, we love you, and we're looking forward to spending the rest of our days with you!

On behalf of Brittany, Lindsay, and Marlys:

Thanks for the bling :)

Should We Get Married (Part Two)

Guest writer and blogger Bewilderedmother wrote part one of this and we wanted to follow up with part two:

Should We Get Married? (Part Two)

Check it out!

Caitlin Willard married her best friend, Tom, after a year of friendship, followed by a year of courtship, and then an eight-month, long-distance engagement (which was too long on both accounts). Tom is a United States Marine. They are currently stationed in North Carolina and welcomed the arrival of their honeymoon baby, Josiah, last fall.

From the Trenches (Part Three)

Here are responses from Caitlin, you can check out her blog about being a new mom here.


1. What is the best piece of relationship advice you have learned or heard?
Communication really is important. Some specific advice: The silent treatment is for twelve-year old girls. It might not seem like a big deal, but will rip apart a marriage. Nothing builds up walls more quickly than not talking something out. Do take a moment to think about what you are going to say before you say it. Don't bring up anything that might spark a disagreement or constitutes decision-making before bed. And if you don't have something nice to say, wait until you do.

2. What advice do you have for overcoming the hard times in marriage?
Can I be frank? HAVE SEX. It will help you relax, refocus, and remind you that you and your spouse are a team. If you work together, you can do anything. Empower each other; go get naked.


I don't condone premarital sex. Sex only brings true unity within marriage. Outside of marriage or apart from marriage, sex isolates the physical relationship and causes the other parts of a relationship (companionship, emotional, mental, social aspects) to suffer.

3. How did you know that your spouse was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?
We loved each other unconditionally as best friends. He was and is extremely attractive, and apparently he thought I was good-looking, too. Since we already loved each other's companionship, it made the perfect foundation for marriage. We knew that once we got married and added physical intimacy, we would have a structurally sound marriage. (Pardon the construction metaphors—my dad is an architect!)

4. Now that you are married, what do you recognize as a misconception about marriage?
I guess the biggest misconception I heard was how much couples fight. Don't get me wrong, we have plenty of misunderstandings, some which result in tears or frustration, but once we talk it out, we make up, and it's done with. I think it's because we never allow ourselves to think of the other as the enemy or antagonist.

5. What was something in your marriage that was difficult that you never would have expected?
We talked about the big stuff while we were courting and engaged, like how we planned on raising our children, what our expectations were for each other as wife, husband, mother and father, but there are little things that you don't even think about. His family wears their shoes in the house. In my family's house, nobody does. I joked for a while about my husband wearing his shoes in our house, until I realized that my preconception was that if someone wore shoes in the house, they weren't comfortable there. And of course he was comfortable in our house. Examine what you joke or tease about...because there is usually something deeper there. It's usually stupid, but it is good to figure those preconceptions out.


Thanks Caitlin!

From the Trenches (Part One)

An unmarried woman should have a high view of marriage, but also of God's sovereignty in her own life." (Nancy Wilson)

I saw this quote on John Piper’s twitter last week and I really appreciated it.  I think a lot of times single people struggle with keeping this balance. There are a couple of ways that we that we skew of views of marriage and God’s sovereignty in our lives.  This is something that God has really be working on in me and trying to teach me through the guidance of other people around me.

SO, I have sent out a series of 5 questions to married couples that I know.  Some of them have been married for 50 years and some have been married for 2 years.  I was planning on making one giant post of all the answers, but I have found that some of the responses are worth more than a quick glance, so I will be feeding them out on the blog over the next few weeks.

Feedback and discussion are welcome! (Especially from the married people that might following this blog, because I definitely don’t have any expertise on that matter!)

This piece of wisdom comes from Sheryl.  Hope you enjoy!

What advice do you have for overcoming the hard times in marriage?

Many people deal with this question by saying "divorce is not an option". My husband & I disagree! We have both been in marriages where that was "the policy", and divorce eventually not only became an option but a reality. So, while we believe that marriage is a commitment for life, we have what we call "healthy fear" that our marriage could fail, and since neither of us wants that to happen, we work hard at our relationship to make sure neither of us ever has a reason to consider divorce.

What is the best piece of relationship advice you have learned or heard?

When you realize there are bricks coming up building a wall between you, take them down, one by one. Don't throw them at one another. Instead, use them as stepping stones to get over whatever still remains of the wall.