Women's Worst Fear Revealed...

I think this is probably THE biggest unnecessarily kept secret about women.

Are you ready, men?

Here it is:



Women's worst fear is of BEING ABANDONED.

Every bump in the road, every disagreement, every miscommunication, we worry you might love us a little less, or we wonder if we’ve done something to make you think about leaving.

I'm always going to worry that something I inadvertently pull one day is going to scare you away. I really, REALLY need to know that you are not going anywhere.

Men, if you are spending lots of time alone to process something, or if you seem unresponsive to us one day, we are automatically going to think "Oh CRAP, I did something to make him not want to be around me. I screwed up. I need to fix this. Why won't he talk to me? What did I do wrong?" Honestly, this will be on the absolute forefront of our minds, above work, above other friends and family, above whatever we're trying to accomplish at any given moment, until you convince us that the relationship is not in jeopardy.

When women sense that their man has been acting distant, we start craving affirmation. And ironically, it will naturally out in the form of sarcasm, or acting equally distant toward said man. Why? I think it's because we want him to NOTICE the rift, and to DO something about it. It's a sad phenomenon, but I'm pretty sure that's what's going on in most women's subconsciousness.

The other extreme of women might start acting clingy instead. Which probably makes you men want to spend even more time alone. :-/

So, men: Probably the best thing you can do, when you need to go off to spend a lot of time alone, is say these magic words... repeat after me:
"Darling, there are some things I need to process alone for a while before I can talk about them, ***but I want you to know that we are totally okay, and I love you. You don't need to question that at all.***"

Seriously. These words will take a LOAD of stress off our minds, and we will once again be able to sleep at night! AND we'll have a MUCH easier time giving you the space you need! :D It's a win-win!!

Even if the problem is directly related to the relationship, as long as we hear something along the lines of: "I can't stand talking right now and I need to go demolish something!! I'm upset with you but I still love you. I'll be back later when I can talk more calmly!" ...it will be a HUGE relief.

Then once the problem is dealt with, come back and pursue us again.
We LOVE it, and we will never get tired of it! :)

Dear Future Husband,

You will be speaking one of my love languages if you make a point to come see whatever productions I've been designing - to spare me the nagging feeling that what I do is pointless. I have probably poured weeks or months of my life into making it look/work right. It would mean so much to me to know that you genuinely take an interest in that part of my life!

I look forward to seeing you in the audience, and running up behind you to tackle you in a death-grip hug after the show. (Or vice-versa - you can do the tackling if you find me first.)

Love you!
Marlys

A Girl Worth Fighting For

This is one of my favorite songs from the movie Mulan and I think a lot of times our views of marriage are a lot like the soldiers in this video, we focus a lot on the characteristics we are looking for in a person, their looks, their personality and the hope that we will be amazing in their eyes, but I think there is a line in this song that goes overlooked, not necessarily in the movie, but in life: What do we want? A girl worth fighting for.

Over the past few years, my views of marriage have morphed quite significantly. If you would have asked me as a sophomore in high school you would have gotten answers straight from the mouth of an antsy teenager, influenced by her boy-crazy peers and who got her "best" dating advice from the chick flicks that she saw in the theaters on the weekends, self-conscious and unaware, anxious for any boy to tell her that she was worthwhile.

If you were to ask me now, you would hear the words of someone who has actually been in a few relationships, someone who is learning self-worth outside of the view of others and more specifically, guys.  Today, you would hear the words of someone who has been able to travel, go to college, work in the "real world" and witness relationships of ALL kinds.  But, you would also hear the words of someone who has had to experience the sting of broken relationships, divorce and live the pain that sinful desires can bring.

I guess that is the sad reality of growing up, facing the truth about sinful nature. When my parents first separated 2.5 years ago, I could not possibly understand what God's plan was, but over the last six months or so, I have been able to step back and see that God is at work in ways that He could never have been within my parents marriage.

The separation of my parents caused me to question everything I knew about marriage and it happened at a really ironic time in my life, the summer that I was shooting wedding photography almost every weekend, surrounded by couples in the very early stages of their lifelong journey together, couples who couldn't contain the joy of being together.  My mind struggled with this dichotomy, why is that we start out so happy, so in love and end up living life from day to day, fighting with each other, arguing about everything, breaking apart lives and families?

Recently it dawned on me, we need someone who is willing to fight, but not in the way that you would think.

So, what do we want? A girl worth fighting for!

The thing we miss is that we are not going to agree on everything in life, but we need to come to a place in our relationship where we are fighting with each other.  We need to fight. Fight to spend time together, fight to spend time with your kids, fight to solve misunderstandings, fight to keep the love alive.

Why do we think that this will come easily, that we can just coast along in our marriages, in our relationships and that peace and joy will just fall into our laps?  We forget that marriage, that making a relationship last for the long term takes hard work.  We need to learn that marriage is a fight, it is a battle every single day a war against Satan who realizes that our marriages can be a great defense, someone who knows us, fights for us, prays for us, encourages and uplifts us, challenges us to be better, to be more.

What a great picture of marriage that is, a couple on the front lines of battle, watching each other backs, picking each other up when the other is down, leaving no one behind, what if we could embrace that picture, what if we could approach marriage that way?  How would our generation change the statistics on marriage?

So, Future Husbands,

What do you want? A girl worth fighting for.

our love is here to stay.

To the husbands and wives of the future:

Do not lose your fervor.

First and above all, do not lose your fervor for the Lord. Nothing else will be good enough, will be as excellent, or as beautiful if you neglect the worth and glory of our Lord and Savior. It takes constant prayer and the laying down of our selfishness, and it is the greatest and most important thing we can do with our lives. Do not lose your childlike love, awe, and wonder for our great Father. He has told each leaf what color and shade is should be and He alone can change them. His glory is unmeasurable.

Secondly, do not lose your fervor for loving your spouse. We all put so much worry and effort into dating / finding a boyfriend or girlfriend / impressing each other / dreaming of the future / being broken hearted when it doesn't work out the way we planned. For all that effort and worry, how many marriages do we see now that still reflect that same fervor and admiration? Marriage shouldn't be the last step in a relationship, it should be permission to finally love and cherish the one you love as much as you possibly can. Of course I realize that it won't always be easy and maybe not even something you want to do everyday. There is freedom in marriage to not have boundaries to be guarded in your love and the need to be careful to not give too much of yourself too quickly as in dating. I fear I've seen the opposite as I've observed the realm of dating. We give so much of ourselves while dating or in a serious relationship with someone. It almost seems like it's our pitiful way of getting relational insurance. If I give this much, there's no way that he/she can leave me. Then once we get married, it's on with the chains and the horrible single days are over jokes. That is not the way it should be! Your married so that you can finally love unconditionally and fully with no limitations! Husbands love as Christ loved the church (He gave EVERYTHING for the church), and wives love as you submit to your husband as to the Lord with respect for him. (Ephesians 5. *please have a correct and biblical, loving understanding of submitting).

Date each other after your married.
Surprise each other.
Flirt with your spouse. and not anyone else!

Mr. until we are old and gray with bad knees and adding glucose to our water, flirt with me and do not lose your fervor and admiration for me. I hope that we fall more in love with each other everyday, even on the off days.

The view from a few years from now...

A sweet post from a friend of mine!

http://vosberg.blogspot.com/2010/09/i-will-follow-suit.html

My Lovely - Eisley

well. this is for you.
and i realized, i'm simply looking forward to the day that I don't have to wonder anymore.
I don't have to wonder who i'm humming these songs for.
I don't have to wonder: is he into me? is he into her? is he crazy? am i missing something here?

i don't want this to be portrayed in the wrong way, but i think it's the way it ought to be:
I will have no doubt that you love only me, that way.
I won't have to question if you think i'm the most beautiful girl you've ever seen. (even on "ugly" days).
When we're married, and hopefully before that...nobody will have to wonder how much you care about me.
I will be treated with more care, attention and love than any other girl you know.
*Not to be taken as being selfish or controlling. Simply that I think anyone who is in a crowded room who has a brain should be able to clearly tell who is together and who are just friends. If you can't tell the difference, something is wrong. its okay to still flirt with me after we're married. in fact it's encouraged greatly.

and Mr. the same goes for me. I'm gonna be so darn proud of you.
nobody will question our love.
It will be evident in both of our words and actions how much we care for each other.

the only type of questions i want to think about right now is: what should we eat today, darling?

this song is for you, my lovely, my dear, my man.