To the Future Wives

It has come to my attention that a good portion of the readers of DFH are women. I think this is because we, the women, like to know we are not alone in the world, that are other people out there feeling just as confused as we are. I wanted to take the opportunity to address the women, the future wives and tell you a few of the things that I have learned (or am still learning), so…


To The Future Wives:


I know most of you are excited for the day when you will be married, some of you have dreamed of that day and some of you have already picked out your reception location. It's so easy to think about the future, the things to come and the what will be, that sometimes we forget to appreciate the present, to seize the day. So here are a few pieces of advice for the meantime:


FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE
I have heard so many women talk about everything they are not, more than I care to even count, but what about everything that we are? Each of us has something unique to offer, for some of us, that might be more awkwardness than grace or elegance, but that doesn't mean it's not worthwhile. Not every man is looking for the prim and proper, always put together woman who looks like she just stepped out of an advertisement in Martha Stewart magazine. I know I am not looking for the guy who just walked out of a Hollister ad, I am looking for a guy who can appreciate the fact that I love Joss Whedon TV shows, nerdy tshirts, apple products, ultimate frisbee and photography more than I love cleaning.


Somehow we get the idea in our heads that only the perfect girls that will find someone? But who are they? We all make mistakes, we all get zits on our faces, have bad hair days or bad hair years and would probably change something about our physical appearance if it was left up to us.


I know it's cliche and over stated, but the man who truly loves you, will know all of your strengths and all of your weaknesses and he will love you all the same and that is a beautiful thing. Confidence goes along way, knowing who you are will help a man know who you are. If you are awkward, be awkward, if you are clumsy, embrace that. Don't be afraid to sing at the top of your lungs in the car, dance in front of an open window or laugh until you snort, these are all parts of the creativity of God. He didn't form you in your mother's womb, and then go, "Oops! That's not how that was supposed to turn out!"


So in the words of Dolly Parton, "Find out who you are and do it on purpose," because the sooner we can do that, the sooner we can live in the full knowledge that we are created by God and God doesn't make mistakes.


KEEP GROWING
Find ways to continue growing, pursue your passions, find adventure, learn about what interests you. Don't ever think that you life begins or ends with or without a man. This world is full of many wonderful things, places to visit, people to met, food to taste. Don't spend your life waiting for the next stage, embrace the stage you are in. I know this one is harder for some people who aren't naturally inclined to do something like this, so, to get you started here is a list of things you can do, some are free, some are not, but hopefully it will inspire you to do something new.

• Visit a museum
• Try a new ethnic food (I strongly recommend: Ethiopian, Japanese or French)
• Spend a day by a body of water: Lakes, Rivers, Oceans
• Take a road trip
• Read a classic novel
• See a play
• Cook something new
• Go on a photography walk
• Go to the drive-in theater
• Play paintball (it's fun, if you can handle a little pain)
• Go Geocaching (http://www.geocaching.com/)
• Visit a new city
• Grow Something
• Play a sport (personally, I recommend Ultimate Frisbee)
• Join a club - Book club, Bunko League, Bowling League, Bible Study
• Go dancing - If you need a place to go, my roommates can make a few recommendations!
• Take lessons - Guitar, voice, dance, acting
• Write a song
• See a concert
• Learn a language
• Take a class - pottery, art

(If you are in minneapolis and want more specific recommendations, just let me know!)


LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS
On the surface, this may appear to be horrible advice, to lower your expectations, but stay with me for a minute. For ___ years, you have watched the princess be saved by the prince, you have listened to the countless songs telling of the wonders of love and you have read the great stories penned from the hands of writers over time and I think sometimes our heads get puffed up with theses ideas of how love is going to be.


In all my experience with relationships, not that it's extensive, they are rarely graceful, in fact, they are generally awkward and they certainly never live up to the slow motion montages featured in most chick flicks.


My parents separated two years ago and it has made me rethink everything that I thought I knew about marriage. It's not this fluffy fairytale where you decide that you love each other and then everything magically falls into place. Marriage is a commitment, a fight, even a war at times. We have to prepare ourselves for that, to be prepared for confrontation, to put fail-safes in place so that when we falter, we have a net of support.


No, lower your expectations doesn't mean to settle for Mr. Collins just because you are afraid of being alone, it just means understand where you are setting the expectations too high, where you are lost in the thought of the perfect man and the perfect marriage that are fabricated from fictional stories that will never come true.




TRUST GOD'S PLAN
The longer I live, the more I realize how wrong I can be. For instance, if my life had gone according to my plan at 16, I would have been married, working at an awesome Christian radio station that I helped start, driving a Chrysler Sebring convertible, living in Colorado Springs and I would probably have a little baby running around. As it turns out, I am 24, living in a house full of women, driving a Toyota Matrix, working in marketing for a small company that no one has ever really heard of, in fact, most of my friends can't even remember what it's called, spending the weekends taking pictures of other people getting married BUT I am incredibly blessed by the people in my life and I wouldn't trade it for my 16-year-old self's plan anyday. You see, if I had gotten what I wanted, I wouldn't be where I am right now, living in a community of women who challenge me to be better, getting to witness first hand the lives of my best friends.


I know all of you reading this probably don't feel the same way I do right now, maybe you don't have a job or you are living at home or whatever the case may be, and trust me, I have been there, in the place of uncertainty. But I know that each of those places in our lives is there so we can learn something, so we can be better, to prepare us for what is ahead. God knows each of our hearts, he knows what I need to learn and he knows what you need to learn.


Ultimately, these are just the ramblings of a girl who is struggling to figure life out just as much as the rest of you are, but I know there are a few things that I have actually managed to learn along the way. Being a girl isn't easy, there are lots of dangers, pitfalls and black holes that we can fall into in our own minds, but when we truly learn to trust God's plan and take the time to see the reasons why he puts us where we are and made us who we are, I think that is when we can find true joy.