you don't have to try, you don't have to change, baby you stay just the same.

Has anyone ever had something you really wanted to say about a topic, but couldn't figure out how to put words to it? I've had a nagging at me for a long time about something, and up until recently I couldn't ever describe it. Not until I was reading a book the other night with my lovely housemates and BAM. Finally. Someone with a brain and a half said what I had been feeling. So here it is, on the topic of dating.


"...Now, part of the problem is the creepiness of the dating practices in our western culture. Honestly, most dating is only half a step up from used-car salesmanship. Stay with me here. To put it bluntly but accurately, the idea in western culture dating is to sell yourself. The last thing you want is for the other person to really get to know you. Consequently, a man who doesn't like to shop will suddenly be saying things like, "Sure, honey, I would love to go to another twelve stores to look for those special shoes you have in mind." A woman who doesn't appreciate sports will find herself volunteering to watch sports with her date and his buddies for hour upon endless, grueling hour.


Having seen the other only on their best behavior, the man and woman each convince themselves that they have found a nearly perfect person. As they move toward that day when they will actually begin living together in the world's most comprehensive relationship, they do not factor into their expectations the difficulties of life in this broke-house of a world.


...The problem is that the marriage began with unrealistic expectations."


Now...there are probably several posts I could make about those couple paragraphs. So i'll try to make it brief. First off, I don't want you to ever pretend to be someone you're not just to get to me. There is a VAST difference in sharing each others interests and trying new things because the person you are with enjoys them, and pretending to like things you really don't. Do you see what I'm saying? I would like it if you would at least take a listen to my favorite bands and albums. I would like for you to show me that the things I enjoy are important to you by having a conversation with me about them. But do I expect you to like all those bands, albums, art, dorky hobbies and cleaning? Not at all. It's okay if we have different interests. I remember once having a conversation with my boss and I was concerned about a potential relationship. "But Kori, he's a marathon runner. I HATE running. It wouldn't work out right." I distinctly remember feeling like a moron after she pointed out how silly that was. "Lindsay...you know its better if you have different interests because you both bring more to the relationship, right?" The point is, take interest, but don't change who you are to be my twin. That's just creepy and misleading.


The other part that really struck a chord with me was just a word. Expectations. more specifically, unrealistic expectations. I'm not quite sure what I expect, to be honest. Do I think God will just have a perfect-lindsay-would-dig-him-right-away-and-they-instantly-fall-in-love-and-he's-gorgeous-beyond-reason mold in which he would kindly send to my front step via UPS? Of course I wouldn't admit to thinking that, but when I really think about it I probably have acted like that.


The fact of the matter is that it's important to have expectations. As long as they are the right ones, and by right ones I mean Godly, biblical, healthy ones. If I ever expect to get married, and have a happy fulfilling marriage, I had better drop the silly unnecessary expectations of perfection. If I expect a man to call me his beautiful wife every day of our lives, I had better realize he's saying that with the full knowledge of all my faults, flaws, annoyances, and quirks. And I should be so glad to have and love a handsome husband who is less than perfect as well.