From the Trenches (Part Three)

Here are responses from Caitlin, you can check out her blog about being a new mom here.


1. What is the best piece of relationship advice you have learned or heard?
Communication really is important. Some specific advice: The silent treatment is for twelve-year old girls. It might not seem like a big deal, but will rip apart a marriage. Nothing builds up walls more quickly than not talking something out. Do take a moment to think about what you are going to say before you say it. Don't bring up anything that might spark a disagreement or constitutes decision-making before bed. And if you don't have something nice to say, wait until you do.

2. What advice do you have for overcoming the hard times in marriage?
Can I be frank? HAVE SEX. It will help you relax, refocus, and remind you that you and your spouse are a team. If you work together, you can do anything. Empower each other; go get naked.


I don't condone premarital sex. Sex only brings true unity within marriage. Outside of marriage or apart from marriage, sex isolates the physical relationship and causes the other parts of a relationship (companionship, emotional, mental, social aspects) to suffer.

3. How did you know that your spouse was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?
We loved each other unconditionally as best friends. He was and is extremely attractive, and apparently he thought I was good-looking, too. Since we already loved each other's companionship, it made the perfect foundation for marriage. We knew that once we got married and added physical intimacy, we would have a structurally sound marriage. (Pardon the construction metaphors—my dad is an architect!)

4. Now that you are married, what do you recognize as a misconception about marriage?
I guess the biggest misconception I heard was how much couples fight. Don't get me wrong, we have plenty of misunderstandings, some which result in tears or frustration, but once we talk it out, we make up, and it's done with. I think it's because we never allow ourselves to think of the other as the enemy or antagonist.

5. What was something in your marriage that was difficult that you never would have expected?
We talked about the big stuff while we were courting and engaged, like how we planned on raising our children, what our expectations were for each other as wife, husband, mother and father, but there are little things that you don't even think about. His family wears their shoes in the house. In my family's house, nobody does. I joked for a while about my husband wearing his shoes in our house, until I realized that my preconception was that if someone wore shoes in the house, they weren't comfortable there. And of course he was comfortable in our house. Examine what you joke or tease about...because there is usually something deeper there. It's usually stupid, but it is good to figure those preconceptions out.


Thanks Caitlin!