Giuseppe

Giuseppe,

I met you, as so many people meet their husbands, through a friend. In fact, it was in the very cliché location of a grocery store. It’s not all bad. I’m an old-fashioned kinda gal. The moment I saw you, I gasped, my heart fluttered...I just knew it was love at first sight.

I never thought I’d meet a man like you in America. I’ve caught glimpses of you in my wanderlust European travels...Belarus, Ukraine, Russia...even in exotic Turkey which I later found out was your country of origin.

Where have you been all my life, Giuseppe? (I should add here that “Giuseppe” is Italian for “Joseph”.) You are pure, Italian bliss. It said so right on your carton.

Yep. Carton.

Ok, time for a confession. Giuseppe, my husband, is really Stoneridge Creamery’s “Joe’s Italian Bliss”. It’s “hazelnut-flavored ice cream with ribbons of hazelnut fudge and chocolatey chips”. It was love at first bite. I almost spewed expletives because it was so amazing. I’ve never had an ice cream encounter like that. Being the lady that I am though, I settled for huddling on the ground in the kitchen and giggling like a school girl. Just ask my housemates.

Sadly, it looks like the girls loved Giuseppe, too. Twenty-four hours later and he’s been devoured in love. Don’t worry honey, I’ll come for you later. We’ll have a romantic rendezvous at Cub sometime soon before the weather turns too cold. Then we’ll just hafta settle for a long-distance relationship until next summer. In the meantime, I’ll take up therapy and maybe knitting.

So, dear future husband. There seems to be a nasty love triangle. You may have to arm wrestle Giuseppe to win my affections, but he can’t even last 24 hours in a house of lovely women. He’s a pushover. Only real men need apply.

~G

Footnotes:

1. Hazelnut-flavored things are much more popular in Europe than here.
2. Turkey is the largest producer of hazelnuts.
3. Giuseppe is pronounced “Joo-SEPPY”. You’re welcome.