After a long hiatus of writing on here, I decided to do a light-hearted critique on this famous musical. I just saw it for the first time yesterday, and with a name like it has, isn’t it just crying to be written about on such a forum? ;-)
First of all, for those who haven’t seen it, here is a plot summary from that venerable site of all movie wisdom, www.imdb.com:
“Adam, the eldest of seven brothers, goes to town to get a wife. He convinces Milly to marry him that same day. They return to his backwoods home. Only then does she discover he has six brothers - all living in his cabin. Milly sets out to reform the uncouth siblings, who are anxious to get wives of their own. Then, after reading about the Roman capture of the Sabine women, Adam develops an inspired solution to his brothers' loneliness.”
With that said, here are my thoughts upon viewing the movie. In short, men of cyberspace, here is a simple list of 10 things to keep in mind/NEVER do when considering wooing a woman...
1. Just because you’re place is a pigsty and you can’t cook for beans doesn’t mean you need a wife. It means you need to grow up.
2. Adam Pontipee is the epitome of how NOT to view/treat women. I have no idea why Milly ever fell for him. Sheer desperation? If I met a man like him and he talked to me/treated me like that, he’d have a swollen lip and good kick in the pants in about ten seconds.
3. Don’t think you can just march into town one day and get a wife like buying chewing tobacco and wagon supplies. This isn't Oregon Trail, and if you think it is, you may have an unfortunate accident fording the river, if you catch my drift.
4. Don’t think singing “Bless Your Beautiful Hide” is gonna woo anyone over.
5. Essentially saying, “I don’t have time to get to know you, so just agree to marry me on-the-spot after knowing me five minutes,” is bad news. Oh, and then accusing a woman of being prideful if she doesn’t agree to marry you under such circumstances is asking for nothing but trouble. If this wasn’t a 1950’s musical, I doubt there would be a happy ending.
6. Note how many times Milly refers to feelings when she is trying to convince the reverend that she should marry a complete stranger. Girls, please don’t justify being with a guy because of ooshy-gooshy feelings (or just because he’s not a creep).
7. Don’t keep important information from your future wife--like how you have six, animalistic brothers who live with you and how you expect your new wife to cook, clean and pick up after them like Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Catch how many times Adam refers to all the work that needs to be done around the house and then punctuates it by saying, “But now that YOU'RE here...” Gag me. There’s a monumental difference between having a wife and having a “cook, washer-woman and hired girl”(in Milly’s words).
8. Never say, “One woman’s pretty much like the next.” Especially in her presence. Gee, that sounds great. Way to make a gal feel special there, Adam.
9. Pursuing a woman is one thing. Kidnapping seven engaged women and then causing an avalanche to keep them from escaping is...not cool.
10. If you’re confronted about something you need to work on (in Adam’s case, being repeatedly extremely inconsiderate and arrogant), don’t go out into the wilderness and pout about it and then refuse to come home when you find out your wife is pregnant. What’s worse, never a) disbelieve that she had a baby or b) accuse her of having a baby as “just one of her tricks to get me to come back”. Um, I’m pretty sure it’s not all her doing that she’s pregnant, meat head. Oh, and then when you find out she had a girl, don’t be all let down about it as if you’ve been cursed. If only men knew back then that it’s them that determine the gender...
Anyway, I had a good laugh, and I appreciated the creativity in choreography (I mean, a whole musical number with axes is pretty sweet). There are good lessons in this movie is well, so don't come after me about that. This is meant to be tongue-in-cheek.
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