It's been awhile since any of the Andalasia Ladies have written a post to you lovely followers, and I am sorry to say, I'm not adding anything original today, although, I do have a couple of posts that are in percolating process!
A friend of mine recently told me about this blog and I wanted to let you know about it because if you are interested in the DFH blog, you will probably like Ally Spotts blog too.
6 Things Every Man Should Know About Dating
6 Things Every Woman Should Know About Dating (A Man)
Although I don't agree with everything that these posts say, I think there is a lot of wisdom and insight and definitely some points worth considering. Hope you enjoy it!
Thanks for the mention! I have been trying to provide my best Christian dating advice and talk a lot about my experiences as I go on many Christian dates – sometimes with success, other times with out. Either way, you should check out my blog!
ReplyDeletewww.AllySpotts.com
Love reading everything from the women of Andalasia!
Speaking as a guy, I found the perspective given in "6 Things Every Woman Should Know About Dating (A Man)" to be pretty much spot on. I hope you take that advice to heart since it's solid and pretty thorough. Especially the bits about romantic comedies and getting rid of your bad friends (or, at least, not letting them have much say in your relationships). In fact, for me personally, the more a woman talks about romantic comedies (and the more of them they own), the more I conclude that she has extremely skewed and destructive views on how relationships work. I am not alone in using this as a heuristic.
ReplyDeleteAlso, since I have approximately 0.01% experience being a woman, I can't really comment on the accuracy of the other article. What I can do, however, is remark on how helpful I think that information happens to be.
1) I think the men who don't already know this are in for a chilly wake-up call.
2) I think it's a bit of a mistake for men to ask a woman to "hang out" and assume she realizes he's asking her on a date. I have had many a group discussion about this in the past. I have also been on dates before that I didn't realize were dates, and it made me extremely uncomfortable when that realization dawned on me. So in one sense, this is good advice. But honestly, I just don't think it's that important. Context is everything, and a lot of the time people redefine their experiences in retrospect. Ever heard something like this before: "Yeah, we were just hanging out at the time, but looking back we were definitely dating"?
I just don't see the need to rush into the formal stage of the dating process. Often the progression from "hanging out with friends" to "hanging out alone" to "casually dating" to "formally dating" is the most organic and comfortable -- and not to mention FUN -- route to take. So instead of insisting men just skip over all of that build up so you can get straight to the business of being on a date, be patient get to know each other. But realize when he's asking you to hang out alone with any regularity, you guys are basically dating.
3 & 4) Guys ask advice on how to respond to stuff also. Cross-gender communication can be confusing. If you're asking friends for advice, we conclude we're important to you in some way. Just make sure you're not sharing loads of private information about a guy without him knowing about it. That's not cool.
5) Is this just about the breaking up or waning interest phase? You are required by man law to be direct when breaking up. For most other things, I think it's okay to be subtle rather than to beat someone over the head or to come off as cheesy. Although, there's gonna be a time and place for that over-the-top display. Just embrace it when it comes.
ReplyDelete6) Women want/expect this, but is it the best course? Remember that paying for dinner or coffee or a movie or whatever constitutes an investment. The more a person invests in something, the more important it is for them to get something out of it. This is actually a really good mechanism for setting a foundation for a relationship, but here's a note of caution: it's really easy for those investments to get unbalanced. Suddenly a man has spent a thousand dollars doting on a woman, and she hasn't put out any investment of her own, except maybe time. So when you have to innocently cancel that fifth date and he seems irrationally upset, the truth is he is more invested than you are and that has upset the balance.
And that's just with the money. Every date a man plans requires a lot of imagination, thinking, placing reservations, planning, getting a time that works right for you.... A lot of thought and effort can go into date one, and then he shells out a hundred bucks to cover the evening? You're already out of balance.
This is less of a problem with things like coffee or ice skating, where you're talking and having fun and it costs only ten dollars, but keep in mind that expenses add up. Thrifty doesn't have to mean cheap. And besides, creative dates are way more fun than the cliche dinner and a movie.
So, since my computer is being STUPID, I have lost the first half of this post, and I lost the bit I wrote to make up for that. Humpf. Let me try again.
ReplyDeleteI thought the article "6 Things Every Woman Should Know About Dating (A Man)" was pretty much spot on. Take the advice to heart, especially the bit about romantic comedies. I and a lot of guys I know use a woman's working knowledge of romantic comedies as a heuristic for how unreasonable her expectations are going to be.
Since I am not a woman, though, I can't really speak to the accuracy of the other article, but perhaps I can comment as to how helpful I think it is for a guy.
1) Any guy who doesn't already know this is in for a rude wake-up call.
2) To a certain extent, this is good advice. Being clear about your intentions is important, and hiding behind "let's hang out" instead saying what you really mean ("Please go on a date with me! Purty purty please!") is pretty weak and cowardly. Guys need to step up to the plate on this one. Also, I myself have been out with a girl and not realized that it was a date until halfway through. I can't begin to tell you how uncomfortable that made me feel, and I would imagine it's about the same for a girl who only has platonic expectations for that relationship.
However, there is no reason that relationships should go straight from meeting to dating. There is a nice, natural progression: hanging out in a group -> hanging out one-on-one -> going on dates -> dating. Hanging out one-on-one shouldn't have to constitute a date -- and a lot of girls certainly do seem to think that any one-on-one activity with a guy who isn't already a close friend constitutes a date, which makes it hard to get to know each other in the first place -- but you should already realize that if a guy is asking you to spend a lot of one-on-one time with him, he wants to date you. Just go with it, take the advice from that other article and reciprocate that sign of affection, and wait for it to progress naturally. That intense span of uncertainty and fun is maybe the best part of the dating relationship, up until you get engaged. Revel in it instead of insisting that you hasten your way to the "formal" part of the dating arc.
3 & 4) Guys ask advice on how to text or respond to texts, too. This is no big deal. Just be sure you're not sharing details that he believes are confidential. That's just not cool.