...at least I think it's good advice. What do I know? I'm still single :)
Speaking of which, let's get some more feedback and discussion going in these here comment sections!
GUYS: Would you agree with the suggestions for the ladies in "Intentional Receptivity"? Anything you would add, or anything that doesn't quite sit right with you?
I'll work on a real post soon, I promise. I've got at least a dozen half-written ones lying around waiting for some love.
i for one think this would be a great post for guys to respond to with comments! let us ladies know what/how/when to help a fella out. i think it was a great article, but still...it takes a guys perspective to know exactly what receptivity looks like.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Linds. It would be great to hear a guy's perspective.
ReplyDeleteAll that to say, I feel the points she made were pretty spot on. *cough* *wink* ;-)
Let me step up to the plate, then. I think the advice given in that article is solid.
ReplyDelete1) Of course be open to friendship with members of the opposite sex. (I doubt this is much of a problem for you Andalasians.) You never know where those friendships might take you as your social circles begin to overlap. Maybe this guy you're getting to know isn't right for you... but he's perfect for your friend. Maybe he has a friend that's perfect for you?
The reality of modern social life is that "weak ties" -- the people you have met and know but probably don't get Christmas presents for -- are responsible for a significant percentage of the opportunities that come our way: job opportunities, social gatherings, romantic endeavors. So don't burn a bridge before you know what's on the other side. You might even find that initial impression you had was wrong. I had no romantic interest in my last girlfriend until I had known her for three months. These things happen.
2) It's definitely wise to give a guy his fair shot. I think what might be more helpful here is input on recognizing romantic opportunities as they come up. I think of a scene from the show 30 Rock, where a guy comes up to Liz Lemon in a bar and asks if he can buy her a drink. She says she already has one, so he walks away. Her friend says he was hitting on her, much to her surprise. "Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?" I'm not saying all -- or most -- women are that clueless, but given that almost every woman I know has at least one male friend in tow just bursting at the seams with unrequited affection, I feel like there's a communication error somewhere.
3) I don't know why the phrase "hard to get" keeps popping up, but social psychologists disproved the myth of its effectiveness almost 30 years ago. It discourages guys from putting anything on the line, and sets a really bad tone for the start of a relationship. A lot of this section seemed to revolve around the idea of sending signals that you are attracted or are reciprocating his attraction. Beautiful. Do that.
Well, I need to get off to work, so just one thought here. The first thing that came to mind when reading her first point, particularly about the chilly indifference, was UGH! I know and have known some people like that, and even though my goals are almost always just to get to know them (because I really enjoy doing that), I consistently feel like I'm utterly worthless in their eyes. It's really depressing.
ReplyDeleteSo...don't be that person! I can't pretend to know what that kind of woman is thinking, and I know it's likely she's had some diffilcult experiences that have influenced her, but I wish I could tell her that we're not all evil! Some of us have good intentions, don't have ulterior motives, would rather find a way to bless her than take anything from her, and are actually decent people!