Ladies, do you remember a time when you were told to write a list of qualities or characteristics you wanted in a guy? Maybe I grew up in a weird place, but I seem to remember that being a common piece of advice. Now that advice isn't all bad. It's obvious that each person is different and therefore we each need different characteristics, weaknesses and strengths, and it's vital to know what it is you need or don't need.
The problem is that how many of us have looked at or edited our lists since we were in Jr High? I have changed immensely since then, and I assume we all have. I think without admitting it or realizing it a lot of our lists have several things on them that really aren't necessary or vital. We've got this "mystery" guy who fits in a certain category and style, qualities we think they may have and exactly how that will look in his personality. It's amazing what the mind can do and we don't even realize.
You may meet someone who seems to fit this category of person you think you'll work well with. They wear plain V-neck shirts and listen to the same music as you, they have a sense of humor and seem to have a lot of the qualities you think you need. However, this is when we become the most blind. We completely miss the glaring obvious characteristic that doesn't work well with our own, whatever that may be. Perhaps they are impatient, nonvocal with their thoughts, or perhaps they have a horrible case of passive aggressiveness. Whatever it is, be careful that you are looking for the right things.
Are you looking for godly, biblical characteristics and qualities? Or just things you think might make you happy to have a nice looking guy who fits with your little niche of people? Also, guys, this applies to you too! Don't go looking for a girl on a billboard, or a video game who doesn't actually exist to the extent you think you need.
"I'm sure to disappoint you, I'm not the boy you drew in your head. Am I talking too much? Am I too shallow or deep? Are you scared of my plans? Well, I'm not your sketch, but honestly what did you expect? Love is an art, some pictures are found out of frames." - steve moakler
Can we stop looking inside our wedding day picture frame? God usually plans and does things that are out of the box - let's all start looking at the right characteristics in people, shall we?
Well said, Linds :)
ReplyDeleteah, and a small addition. I was reminded of a conversation I had with a few girls recently. Fellas, if you fear you are not "good looking" enough for the standards that male models set - please don't worry. All of us ladies agreed, the more we get to know a guy and start to like him for who he is and the amazing character he has, the more and more attractive he gets each and every day. Pride can ruin any attractive man.
ReplyDeleteI've mentored women/young ladies for over twenty years. With the single gals I ask them for their list {or send them to create one} and we go through it for attributes like you mentioned. We categorize into must-haves, nice to have, and deal breakers {behaviors/attitudes/habits that are unacceptable}. It sure helps ground the twitter-pated from making a bad choice. This has been a very successful tool {a.k.a. prayer list}!
ReplyDeleteLove the blog!
Thanks Pam! Not only for the encouragement, but for mentoring young women. It is so needed, and I don't know you -but I appreciate that you do that. To have guidance with that categorized list makes a huge difference than young girls just doing it on their own! :)
ReplyDeleteI definitely had a list. My now husband didn't meet any of the superficial criteria, or what I thought was my "type," and he exceeded any of my expectations in the non-physical criteria. The list can go both ways. It can make you reject people who might be good candidates. However, my problem was that I was so afraid of being superficial and picky, I ended up being in a relationship for four years with a person that had no respect for me.
ReplyDeleteThat's why it's great, Pam, that you have girls make those lists. I started with a list that was all about looks, in Jr. High. In high school, I threw that away but didn't make a list of things that were "deal breakers," and it meant that I had given part of my heart away to a person that didn't respect me.
After I had broken up with that person, I made a list of spiritual, emotional, social, and psychological "necessities." I wanted a man of integrity who had a strong faith, that respected me and cared for me, and would would make a good father, to name a few. I used not only 1 Cor 13:4-7 as a gauge, but also Galatians 5, the fruit of the spirit. I think that those "lists" are the best ones you can come up with, because the Creator and God of love came up with them.
I knew my husband was "the one" because the more I thought about our relationship, reasoned through it, and held it up to the light of scripture—the more I realized that the man in front of me was more than I ever wanted, hoped for, and even prayed for.
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